New to all of this

[SmileysPerson]

Hello MTwoFive -- getting read-in on your sitch here. I'm Smiley's Person. So far you're sounding pretty good and getting spectacular feedback from the some of the best folks around here to get feedback from, so count yourself lucky in that regard!

I made one mistake I think. We were at the movies and I was freezing so I asked him if he could put his arm around me. Did it but after awhile took it away and said he was uncomfortable. Ok so not the best move on my part.

No worries. In the grand scheme of things hardly a setback. He helped you out a bit until it started to cost him -- discomfort, either/both emotional/physical -- and then looked after himself. No biggie. In fact, probably healthy -- he didn't feel compelled, or sorry enough, for you to suck it up, and you (I gather) didn't fuss when it ended. Small beer.

So of course my mind wonders -he has made the decision to not work on the marriage?

Maybe yes, maybe no, maybe maybe. From the perspective of your Work (here) it doesn't matter.

What would you think about me not contacting him at all (except in case of an emergency) for the 10 days we're gone? Let him be the one to contact me (if he does?)

What do you think about that? It's not the effect on him that's important, it's the effect on you. Would you be able to put that time to its best use, to focusing on you and your needs and your kids' needs and your Work? Or would you really, secretly, if-you-were-being-forced-to-be-honestly be wondering about the effects on him?

I'm so tired of being blamed for all his unhappiness! He's taking zero responsibility for anything.

We all know this one all-too-well, he said, Bitterly Laughing Out Loud.

The only thing to do is get used to it and start ignoring it. In the Wayward Walkaway Worldview -- what I like to call the World of WAStuff -- you (and me and Puppy and etc. and etc. and etc.) are by definition Wrong, because you're You. Blah blah blah-dee-frickin'-blah. What-evah.

I also feel like I can't make any mistakes in his mind. Like he's watching my every move.

The second part is right -- he is watching your every move. As @Coach always says, "you're being watched." But the first part -- forget that, it's an infinite loop, it's a Moebius strip. Do your things for you. Make your mistakes. Learn from them. Don't "status check" to see if he caught the mistake. There's no learning there. Did you catch the mistake (if/when there is one)? That's the important thing.

One step. One foot. One yard. One mile. One hour. One day. One week. One month.