This is my journal. Contrary to everyone’s advise and help, I decided to give me and my XF another try. He was out of town taking care of a sick relative for about 2 weeks and the entire time he was gone, things were wonderful. He called everyday, said beautiful things to me, completely made me think that we were once again a couple. We were counting days and hours to be together. The plan was as soon as he got home, we were going to spend time together and so it was. Fast forward, It was time for me to go home and take care of some personal things, he too needed to do the same. So I called to say goodnight and he started on me again. Telling me that I don’t have his back, his life is a mess, our relationship requires too much work, he’s miserable. I didn’t take care his plants while he was gone ( I was suppose to watch his house, which I did). I didn’t do this and I didn’t do that. He needs someone to compliment his life and I have no incentive to make his life easier. I require to be entertained (which I don’t). I’m content to watch TV all day, when he sees everything in the house that needs to be done and I’m not aggressive enough and I shouldn’t have to be told what to do, I should know to do it. I am more confused now than ever. This is a short version of what happened, there is so much more, but I fear that somehow he’ll see all of this and call me out on it. I guess I’m being paranoid. I know what you all are going to say. I’m co-dependent, I need to break free from this, but somehow, deep down in my heart, I know I love this man. Why else would I put up with this? I do love him and it breaks my heart that I’m not what he wants. He wants a partner who will watch his back, take care of things without being told. Be his help mate, etc. I do try, maybe not hard enough. Maybe I am lazy, maybe he’s right, maybe I’m just a free loader. I want all the benefits from a relationship and want to give nothing in return. Is that possible?
