Looking For Help

[Looking_For_Help]

GIMA,

Again, thanks for your post last night. I read it again this morning for inspiration. Today is my birthday (38 now) and I didn't get a single "happy birthday" this morning...not that I was expecting sincerity from W, but atleast she could have told my two young ones. My W completely forgot my birthday last year. That's o.k. for tomorrow I'll be celebrating with people who love me.

You see, I have been suffering for a long time in this relationship. I've been unhappy and sometimes I think that this situation is actually a blessing in disguise. It's painful for a family to break up, I know, but I truly wonder if it's in my best long term interest to be with someone else who can treat me like #1. I don't want to be selfish and not consider the kids, but I believe I'm fooling myself that there can be a "happily ever after" with this stranger called my W. Most of my energy is zapped...I'm getting very close to my breaking point.

My W is very far from changing into a person I want to share the rest of my life with. I know she's thinking the same way about me. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, rather a "new life" for me is sounding better each and every day. Either my vacation will re-energize my will power to save my marriage or it will solidify my thoughts of filing for a divorce when I return. We'll see next week.

Either way, I will continue down this path I started in becoming the best person I can be. Maybe I'm moving closer to detachment, but it certainly doesn't feel like it. I used to be such a happy person before I got married and it seems like this marriage slowly sucked the PMA out of me over the years. Maybe this is what the W is thinking as well.

Anyways, thanks for your support and I'll write later today.

Thanks,
LFH