Okay, now I understand better about the question regarding MLC and no, I sure don't believe it has to MLC. It is just that it is so common these days and here on the board. I do believe that people can have enough troubles in a MR that they are looking for an escape. There are certainly more reasons for a S/D than MLC. Maybe it would help you to have closure if you understood the "whys" of the breakdown of the M, and if I were a professional, I might be able to help you, but the bottom line is that in the end, you have to accept it for what it is......a divorce. Thrashing out the past doesn't change the status now.
I know you want your son to talk about his dad. He should be able to do that with you, however, he is old enough to understand that he should not discuss with you the "good times" dad and GF have. That is what I meant by telling him that you do not care to hear about his dad's live-in GF. If you must tell him that it is painful, then do so. Don't allow him to say snide remarks about your feelings, etc. He needs to learn about human relationships and things people go through when they have been hurt badly.
I think kids play their parents against each other if they can. Especially when the parents have a different approach in discipline or if that kid knows mamma will step in and take up for him. Just b/c he's grown doesn't mean he has stopped doing that. I believe it has developed into just a pattern of behavior for him that he does it automatically. It is obvious he is starved for his dad's approval and his time, so you will need to mental prepare yourself for him gushing over spending time with them. I would explain to him that you have no problem with him spending time over there, but you don't want to be treated like you were with the car and you don't want to hear about.......whatever bothers you. Don't do this at a time when the emotions are running high.....wait until things are calm and you can speak with him in a soft tone of voice. You need his undivided attention and don't try to discuss it when he's on the computer, etc.
Quote:
mom dont let it bother you and dont tell dad I told you
He clearly has a need to discuss it with somebody he can trust. Does he have a close pal he hangs out with?
Renee, I want to encourage you to get into a daily Bible study if you can. If your church does not provide it, the Internet has wonderful web sites that have Bible topic studies or daily devotionals. You need that spiritual food each day to have you be strong.
Talk to you later. BTW, try to be patient with us here on the board if we misunderstand a question you have. I often find it hard to type into words what I truly mean. It's easy for it not to come through like you mean. We work together, right?
Take care, Sandi
P.S. I wouldn't worry about going back to read all your posts just b/c you brought up something before. Hey, I do that all the time. I probably am the worst about repeating something I've said.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
