My reason for moving out of the family home is that my career was in the city, along with much of my support network for baby sitting etc. We moved to a smaller town to bring up the kids, which we love but I just could not get the work in my field here. At the moment H says he would give me cash for a big house deposit and enough monthly $ to support the rest of the mortgage and live of without having to work. I would prefer to lock that in now as its another couple of years before my youngest is school age.
In the interim, I can start part time work in the city and get my networks back up just in case (!!) he has a change of heart a little down track and wants to cut or minimise support.
I have been reading early posts of Hearts Blessing and Snoddery and can relate to so much of what they have said about MLC. I think the first half of this year H had both Anger and Replay, during a period of a couple of months in particular the cell phone was on silent and I did for the first time wonder if there was someone else around. At the moment since about two months ago, he takes all calls in front of me again, has started wearing old clothes again, tells me all about his day, and is home heaps more, so seems to have moved on from that phase.
But although I never found any actual evidence, we will certainly be having a conversation down track if we stay together about that. About two months ago at the height of his er journey, he did an extreme sport with an old mate, and came back saying to both the mate and me that his head had cleared, he no longer felt like like he was in a washing machine, just treading water now. The same week one of his party mates had a dumb accident H could have been involved in if was around, so I think he started to see through the fog. In hindsight, his anger dropped off about 80% from that weekend, and he started to reconnect with his family, whom he had also been neglecting.
Unfortunately for me, coming out of the fog somewhat, he seemed to firm on the idea that he wanted not have me in his life. He started to say that he wanted his own place in the small town, and if he stayed with me he may end up hating me etc. I was very concerned if he kept partying we would end up having no money left, so for financial reasons had to make a stand now. Oddly enough since I have pointed this out to him, he has been mr resonsible with money (couple of weeks anyway). If he regresses again we would need to do this anyway.
I am not handling this much better than anyone else I dont think! But I work well with major change in my life and when my back is againt the wall, and I know that I may not have the choice on all thats happening right now, but I will use this as the spring board to end up in the best place possible for the next chapter of my life, not just an ok place. I see change as always an oportunity.
And I just gave myself one week of a full on Private Pity Party, as part of my dropping rope plan(last week). My beautiful dog died at the start of the week, so I wept and wailed, listened to very sad songs all week, felt very sorry for myself, spent the weekend kid free with a girlfriend getting very drunk and finishing up the week with a three hour counselling session where I mapped out my best next chapter for my life. With two little kiddies I just cannot do the mope about mama routine any longer and taking charge feels so much better! I do reserve the right to multiple backslides and stuff ups, but it feels much better trying to go out with style and grace and smiles rather than wimper out the back door.
I have backed off any separation talk completly, and will see if that slows things down a bit. I did read your thread a couple of days ago, I feel I don't have much to add as I am new, but I will stop by again .
