WAW1 - Anticipation2

[markhaving probs]

Since my last post my decree nisi arrived which I was sad about and I sought solace with my family. To think it was the 19th December 2008 when my W told me she wanted a divorce, and here we are on the 29th June and I am approximately six weeks from it being all over after 15 years.

I am still struggling to come to terms with it all, but I am no longer in denial and I am now focused on trying to get the best financial arrangement for me to re-start my life, and more importantly I have to secure access to my children.

I am not using any DR strategies anymore as I have passed the point of no return as my W has still not shown any remorse, compassion or concern for me, just a passion for securing the best financial package for her and to continue this new single lifestyle she craves.

During our last two meetings since her horrendous outburst involving the children, she has tried to be more light-hearted and friendly. The problem is, I have been abit aggressive in my attitude towards her which is wrong, therefore I must be more business-like and trest her like a friendly neighbour in future, even though this is really hard. She knows I am still in love with her, but because I am having issues trying to secure a legal aid solicitor, she believes I am dragging my feet and not 'moving on'.

She had a week away in Corfu with the children and during this time she texted me approximately 12 times. They mainly concerned her wanting my solicitors details and attacks on me, but also the fact I moved out from my friends house on a Saturday and my friend did not return to his house I was staying in until the following Wednesday. She called me a liar and said I forced her out of the house prematurely. I ignored these texts which then prompted her to say I was un-communitive which was one of our issues.

Why she is still so angry even on holiday is baffling, considering she is getting the divorce she wants I would have thought she would be happy with the way things are going for her.
They returned from holiday on Saturday morning and I picked up the children. We had a lovely weekend and I got them to help me in the garden. My son is very clingy and I really feel for him, it makes me so sad to think he is suffering like this but I have to make sure he is happy and I do all I can for both of my children during this very difficult time. My W took the opportunity to go out Saturday night even though she had only returned from holiday a few hours earlier. She obvoiusly needed her OM fix, this is what makes me so angry - selfish, not giving a damn for me or the children.

I an now back in the marital home and my W and children have now moved to my PIL's house. I will remain here until I have received the financial package I require, even though she has asked me to leave in September because of the children starting a new school. As much as I put my children first, I believe my W is using them to get me out of the house, but I will lose all control and why should I anyway seeing as my W has created this current situation.

I have completed my Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and it has been very helful. I have a long, long way to go and I am still hurting so badly and I think I will for years, but I have to take it one day at a time.

I would love to have some advice or views for support please.