John, I would like to offer my 2-cents. First, to answer your last email...no, you are not allowed to have a relationship with a 27-yr old military female...I do not know her rank but for you the rule of thumb is you should not "hang out socially with anyone other than TSgt's, MSgt's, and SMSgt's...one stripe below and one above...you may think that your intent is not to develop a sexual relationship but you are wrong...that is nature, so do not put yourself in the position to question your personal motives. I am a little surprised that you would think otherwise...what would you think of your CC if he or she is "out" "just" having supper with a SSgt you supervise who is a slug and you rate that is getting a 3 on his/her EPR? Are you that out of it because of your W? I do not think so...
Your W...I think this is the time for you to draw your line...make sure she knows your rules...you need MC and IC...and your D needs C...your W has changed her view of life. I think this is the time for you to decide...do you REALLY want your W back...I can tell you that even if you say yes today you might change your mind in the next 4-5 yrs...it will be very hard for you to accept the day to day life and not think she "owes" you more than she is giving...I think you should bounce what you want off this board with PDT as the final review and sit-down with you W and explain what you need to feel safe. If she says no...then you are where you were before.
I think you should let her move back home and tell her to do it now, today while you are TDY...she is already staying there with your D and dog...have her back when you return from your TDY. Go see the Chaplin and consider One-Source. See if she agrees...we will work more as we go...let us know what you want to do...remember, "before" is gone, forever, not everyone can accept this...you may think you can today but your thoughts may change...
