listen to puppy and others. DO NOT MOVE OUT! put it on her. Maybe now you can begin to detach more, but most importantly start doing things for yourself.
Also, don't be cold back to your wife. Living together will mean you still have to interact with your W on some level. In everything that you do, SHOW her you care, without EVER saying those words. Be upbeat and positive, even when it is the complete opposite of what you feel. It might be late in the ball game, and your trailing in points, but it's still not over yet.
Hi lucky, it's good to hear from you. I'm completely devastated, but not dead. She knows now that I won't always be around for that
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Thanks, lucky. The part I have dreaded starts now. I will do my level best to weather this trial. My boys will always be foremost in my thoughts and actions. I am absolutely heartbroken, but now is the test of my resolve. Please pray for me, my sons and my wife.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Orich, Been catching up on your thread and others. I was immediately going to suggest reading steady's "What I've learned about detaching", and then I saw he already brought it this thread.
So, now my advice is reread it, reread, reread it.
I printed it Friday before going away and must've read it 20-30 times times so far.
It is excellent.
You can do it. Thanks, steady!
And I think her speaking brusquely and sleeping on the couch proves your Dbing is getting to her comfort zone. And if I'm wrong, speaking brusquely and sleeping on the couch should be interpreted as nothing more than speaking brusquely and sleeping on the couch. It won't last forever and will probably not last long at all if you do not acknowledge it. Ignore it.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Thank you Gardener. I still love her, and it actually bothers me that she is uncomfortable that I want to give her the bed! But I won't . She Is also constipated now and she says it's from stress. I am sure it is just stress from her wanting to just end this thing. She still says she doesn't want to make me sad. Too late.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Is it too late? I'm trying to gal, but it's difficult. Everything revolves around the kids, so it's hard to go off and work on myself when I need to be there for my kids. She is so sure it's the end. Her therapist told her that it was obvious her mind was made up. She is going again anyway, why I don't know. Anyway, can this still be turned around?
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Thank you for the encouragement. Now, I have read that in order for the marriage to be healed, the person with the EA has to cut all communication with the OM, and must be transparent with emails and texts, etc. My wife will not agree to any of this. She maintains that the relationship is innocent and that she is still persuing a job with the movie production. Whether or not this is the truth, she is still not letting me see the texts, emails, etc. I guess technically we are separated in the same house (BTW, she is sleeping in the bed again) so, how can I demand that she stop communication with this guy? How can I set boundaries? I can't kick her out of the house. The only thing I can think of is scheduling things for me to do out of the house when I know she is going to one of the meetings, but I know that can't work forever, she will just reschedule eventually. I am going to the gym 3 or 4 nights during the week, and still looking for friends to hang out with. Does going out to a movie with Dad or my brother count as GALing? What leverage do I have to use against her not agreeing to any boundaries I feel are appropriate? Also, she still has not told her family about all of this yet.
Thanks again
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
You can't really set THE boundary -- the "I will not live in an open marriage" -- unless you're willing to divorce her over it if she continues. And that is something only YOU can decide.
All you can really do is let her know clearly that you WON'T (live in an open marriage, that is), that you don't want a divorce, but that you also won't wait forever.
In the meantime, I'd suggest that you work on lesser boundaries, detaching, and making sure you're not doing anything -- financially or otherwise -- that enable her EA.
I forget -- have you read "NOT Just Friends" yet? You may want to read it, and leave it lying around in the hopes that she picks it up as well.
