Looking For Help

[Done in VA]

I know I am new on this thread but STOP STOP STOP saying ANYTHING that is driving your W further away! You have worked too HARD to let things like this ruin it (I know you are human & I'm not trying to be hard on you - plus I don't think you would be starting back to square one):
not in my house...it's lunchtime and there will be no distractions from family time." I turned off the TV and had W put down her stupid book. Did I say I was ticked off?

Everytime you feel this way say to yourself - I have been busting my butt to be DIFFERENT for months (or however long it's been) to have ONE SENTENCE set me back! Everytime I want to be mad at H, I imagine this whiney little teenage voice saying - SEE, I TOLD YOU, YOU COULD NEVER CHANGE! And I REFUSE to let him CONTROL my mood. You are the strong one. WAS are not strong - that is why they would rather focus on a NEW LIFE. Reality is too hard. Stay strong & bridge the gap.

Detaching takes a lightbulb moment. And it still takes practice. Please read my thread entitled I hate my Husband. I don't know if it will help, but I documented my lightbulb moment as best I could.

If you are asking if it is possible to re-attach...you don't understand detachment. I didn't either...I asked the same thing at first. The best way I can describe it is to think back to how I felt towards my parents as a teenager. That is where your wife is at. My parents could have told me they went through the same things in life when they were teenagers...and given me ALL the words of wisdom they had, they could have talked until they were blue in the face, BUT I HAD TO GET IT ON MY OWN!!! I had to experience life for myself. When your parents told you that a relationship you were in was bad & they had been there themselves...what did you think? I can tell you what I thought. Oh no, not me - MY SITUATION IS DIFFERENT! WAS are exactly the same.

Now think of WAS as a teenager...YOUR teenager. You don't love them any less because you realize they have to become the person they need to be & make these life discoveries on their own...detachment is unconditional love at it's best. It's loving someone enough to allow them to "get it" themselves. That's why you don't have to re-attach.

Wow - trying to put this into words is hard. I really hope I don't sound condescending or belittling at all. I just want to help.