Redo the bed.. new comforter (duvet? down comforter?), pillows, mattress pad, sheets.. anything bed. Give your nose, your heart.. relief.
The twinges come in many forms.. those tee-shirts, knick knacks, etc. Get it out of your day-to-day life.
Although this goes contrary to your personality.. consider dropping the 'rescuing'.. "her text sounded sad so I asked her if she wanted to take the kids to supper"..
She's the one who has to learn to ask, to evolve. It's not your job (nor was it ever) to do her thinking for her. Letting her wobble on her own two feet, fall and stand up is all part of the process for her.. AND you.
It's easier to focus on someone else rather than yourself. Mojoloscity is a tremendous vehicle.. but it's time to focus on you.. healing, being healthy, getting on track.
Only after the divorce did I realize how insidious pursuing was. Let go... only then can she find her way.. one way or the other. Letting go helps you find your way forward. It's not giving up hope or belief.. it's allowing the next step.. a new relationship in one way, shape or form.
Five years out of the marital bed? Out of the marital room and its dresser? Something broke.. on both sides. Learn.. just learn about you. You can't 'fix' her... you can heal you.
Children model after their parents in good times and in bad. It's not about being perfect.. it's being human. I learned so much from my husband's departure.. that in some areas I hadn't matured at all. Oops.
Is it soldiering on? Is it surviving? Uhhhhhh.... maybe...
I like to think it's learning how to live... a devastating shock that allows tremendous growth.
