NO ONE ON THESE BOARDS deserves to go through what we are going through. We are the ones fighting the good fight.
Cut yourself some slack. You (oh, and everyone) made some mistakes. Do they justify what your W is doing? No. Own your half of the reason your M is where it is, but there is another half out there. If your W is anything like mine (and being a WAW, I suspect she is), she probably has not fessed up to her part in this.
I know exactly how you feel. This all is the worst experience of my life to date - and I have had some pretty bad ones. But, you will make it through this no matter what.
I rationalized it this way. I beleieve in God. I do not believe God intends me to be alone for the rest of my life. Since that is the case, then He has someone out there who needs me more than my W. Maybe it's the new and improved version of my W. Maybe it is someone different. But either way, I know I will be happier in the long run. Just think about that for a minute.
And yes, one day, your W (assuming the worst) will realize what a terrible mistake she has made. I know mine will too. Whether they chose to admit it is another issue. But that really isn't the point. If you can let that, and all your W's other feelings/actions go, then they have no power over you. That does not mean you are suddenly healed from all the pain. It means you can handle the pain better each time it comes up. And that will make that pain less severe.
This really is about consciously making yourself think a different way. But, I promise it will make all of this easier to handle.
Hang in there man. And, yes, you are entitled to some bad days. It really is ok.
