One question. Since my husband has decided not to go back to counseling - is there realistically still hope that our marriage can be saved? If I can working on myself and making the positive changes I need to make - there's still hope right?
Has anyone's marriage been saved when only one spouse went to counseling or with no counseling at all?
Yes, there is ALWAYS hope. It took my wife 22 years to agree to MC, and 24 to agree to IC. She's now gone to both, and is EXCITED about her IC sessions! She looks forward to the next one, and she's growing before my eyes.
Yes, there is hope. Refusing to go to MC -- for the time being -- isn't a huge deal.
Thanks Puppy! I needed to hear that today! So you and your wife are reconciled? We'll be married 25 years in August (we dated for 4 yrs before that).
Of course I've been spending a lot of time in prayer and have felt convicted that if I take my vows seriously that I shouldn't put a time limit on how long I'm willing to wait for him to work through his MLC. I think he's having a hard time admitting it's a MLC because as he says he's not out chasing after other women half his age or other women period.
Now I know there has to be a healthy timeframe for my own sanity but I think I'm willing to wait at least a year.
He asked me last night if I'd cancelled the counseling appointment (Sunday night he'd said you can go if you want to) and I told him no that I felt like I still needed to go to work on myself.
I hate to see such anger and bitterness in him. He's really stuck in a pity party for himself. I can't change overnight but hopefully he'll give this enough time to see consistent improvements in me and hopefully that will encourage him to do the same.
I think he's struggling with moving out because he feels like our youngest is very vulnerable right now. He did say Sunday the only reason he's still around his because of our sons. However, he did say a few weeks ago that he was afraid of making the wrong decision. I still think he's very mixed up and hasn't really worked through any issues.
Thanks for all your support and counsel Puppy. I really do appreciate it. I know no matter what I'm going to come out of this a much better person!
I must say it was so nice to have the counseling appointment by myself. I think this will really be good for me. I can work through my own issues and I think it will help me stay focused on what I need to do to DB.
Interestingly enough he asked me last night if I'd gone to the counseling appointment.
He said he needs to work all day today which I know he's really busy right now. I told him that I'd just take our son and his friend to the lake this afternoon that way I can get grocery shopping done etc. I told him we'll just see you when we get there.
The real test for me will be when I go to the lake next weekend and then stay down there until the following weekend on vacation. A whole week apart. My youngest son will go with me. I don't think my H will go unless he just comes down for the July 4th weekend.
I'll be bringing my laptop from work with me so I have access to my support systems!
Just got back from taking our son and his friend to the lake this weekend. Got stuck on the highway for an hour why they cleared an accident.
We got along fine this weekend I guess. I made one mistake I think. We were at the movies and I was freezing so I asked him if he could put his arm around me. Did it but after awhile took it away and said he was uncomfortable. I think he may have meant the position he was in but who knows? Ok so not the best move on my part.
Couple of comments he made where I've had to keep myself from overanalyzing them and would love to know your take on things. One was when are you going to visit your brother? I thought I'd take (our sons) on a trip then. Now keep in mind when I was going to do this in May he said I don't think this is a good time if we're supposed to be working on our marriage. He also asked when I would be traveling for work again. I told him I don't know. I may need to travel this Fall but I don't know if it's such a good idea under the circumstances. He said something like I don't know how it could hurt. So of course my mind wonders -he has made the decision to not work on the marriage?
He's been acting a little put off since we got back from the movie Saturday night. I've been doing my own thing today. When we got home he immediately went downstairs. I'm hanging out in the office. Probably he didn't get enough space this weekend!
I'm going back down to the lake Thursday night with my youngest(14). His birthday is tomorrow so my H will have to be around me some more! Poor tortured man! I don't know if he'll come down for the July 4th weekend or not. I know we'll be on our own for the week after.
What would you think about me not contacting him at all (except in case of an emergency) for the 10 days we're gone? Let him be the one to contact me (if he does?)
I think I'm almost to the point where I just want to be away from him too! I'm so tired of being blamed for all his unhappiness! He's taking zero responsibility for anything. I still can't believe he had the nerve to say his business and his marriage caused his health problems!
I also feel like I can't make any mistakes in his mind. Like he's watching my every move. I feel like I really screwed up Saturday night at the movies! Help!
Puppy, Sandi2, Gucci Loafer - your take on this? Sandi2 and Gucci if you have some time I'd appreciate it if you'd look at what I've posted for the last several weeks and weigh in. I value your opinions!
Just got back from taking our son and his friend to the lake this weekend. Got stuck on the highway for an hour why they cleared an accident.
We got along fine this weekend I guess. I made one mistake I think. We were at the movies and I was freezing so I asked him if he could put his arm around me. Did it but after awhile took it away and said he was uncomfortable. I think he may have meant the position he was in but who knows? Ok so not the best move on my part.
Couple of comments he made where I've had to keep myself from overanalyzing them and would love to know your take on things. One was when are you going to visit your brother? I thought I'd take (our sons) on a trip then. Now keep in mind when I was going to do this in May he said I don't think this is a good time if we're supposed to be working on our marriage. He also asked when I would be traveling for work again. I told him I don't know. I may need to travel this Fall but I don't know if it's such a good idea under the circumstances. He said something like I don't know how it could hurt. So of course my mind wonders -he has made the decision to not work on the marriage?
He's been acting a little put off since we got back from the movie Saturday night. I've been doing my own thing today. When we got home he immediately went downstairs. I'm hanging out in the office. Probably he didn't get enough space this weekend!
I'm going back down to the lake Thursday night with my youngest(14). His birthday is tomorrow so my H will have to be around me some more! Poor tortured man! I don't know if he'll come down for the July 4th weekend or not. I know we'll be on our own for the week after.
What would you think about me not contacting him at all (except in case of an emergency) for the 10 days we're gone? Let him be the one to contact me (if he does?)
I think I'm almost to the point where I just want to be away from him too! I'm so tired of being blamed for all his unhappiness! He's taking zero responsibility for anything. I still can't believe he had the nerve to say his business and his marriage caused his health problems!
I also feel like I can't make any mistakes in his mind. Like he's watching my every move. I feel like I really screwed up Saturday night at the movies! Help!
He seems to be wanting his space from you. That could either be because you're smothering him -- just natural "Men are from Mars" stuff -- or it could mean he's wanting some time with you gone to do things he shouldn't be doing.
Either way, you need to give it to him. As I've said before, you need to make him miss you. The "pursuing" stuff in the movie theatre isn't a good idea.
Guess I really need to go dark? Just try to communicate as little as possible? What do you think about me not contacting him the 10 days I'm gone? Go ahead and travel - see if he misses me? Gets the space he needs? Maybe what I'm afraid of is that he decides he likes it and wants out? But I guess that can happen whether I'm here or not.
OK - I can do this! He did come upstairs and slept in our bed last night. Things feel tense again. I just got up this morning and got ready didn't say a word - just stayed out of his way and left for work.
Today is our youngest son's birthday so we'll have to interact for his sake.
I've also decided no ML this week & then I'll be gone for 10 days so we'll see how he does with that.
My best friend is going to hold me accountable while I'm on vacation. I plan on taking a laptop so I can stay connected to this site. I'm going to need all the back-up and strength I can muster.
I'm going to try to check on some anxiety medicine for myself as well. I think I need it to help me manage more effectively.
