Maddening to realize how many times thoughts of H. continue to pop into my head. This time, right now, is supposed to be about me!
I can almost see you getting upset with yourself when those stray thoughts of H hit your brain. It is very normal. I have talked to several people whose spouse had died and they would catch themselves having the very same thoughts and then they would realize that their S was never coming back. It is sad but such a part of you b/c you lived with this man for a decade and your brain will not shut down what seems to be a "habit" of including him in your thoughts. By "habit" I mean that M people do form that natural habit of including their S in everyday thoughts.
As for "Tall Guy" and what to say at the appropriate time....I would say to let things fall into place naturally. If you hit him too direct in letting him know you are not prepared for anything serious right now, he may think, "But I was just asking you to go for coffee....not live together!" So, you don't need to lay it all out there too quickly, and wait to see if he asks you out. If he does, then accept...if you want to and when you are out together the subject will probably come up in the conversation. However, as I said before, you don't want to discuss everything you've been through on the first date. If you have an opportunity, you can tell him you are coming out of a M and that you have to have some time to heal over that before thinking of another R. Just be careful how much you say, b/c he may not be looking for anything serious either. The fact that a couple goes out doesn't mean a future together. Try to relax and have a good time.
I don't envy you. I would hate to know I had to enter the dating scene again!
I'm so glad that you took that brave step to go to the baby shower. You are taking other big steps also and I do believe it is in a positive direction. Personally, I think you have done a wonderful job in a short time.
Keep checking in to tell us how things are going.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
So, you don't need to lay it all out there too quickly, and wait to see if he asks you out. If he does, then accept...if you want to and when you are out together the subject will probably come up in the conversation. However, as I said before, you don't want to discuss everything you've been through on the first date. If you have an opportunity, you can tell him you are coming out of a M and that you have to have some time to heal over that before thinking of another R. Just be careful how much you say, b/c he may not be looking for anything serious either. The fact that a couple goes out doesn't mean a future together. Try to relax and have a good time. 
