She sounds scary! I would stay as far from them as possible! Just let exh get on with his life(such as it is) while you move forward in yours. It doesn't seem that giving him any attention is helpful for either of you and may be harmful.
Just not so long ago, I had to put distance between my H and myself for good reasons. You know we saw each other everyday because of work and yet had no contact. It was hard to see him laughing and enjoying the company of others and even to recieve comments from others about how helpful he is or what a catch he is... I just had to bite my tongue and ignore what went on around me.
It was hard at times, but I made myself talk to others and kept busy (during down times at work) with others. Some good things happened during that times with others - such that I have new friends who are very dear and supportive. It was extra hard b/c I didn't want to put our business out in front of everyone and they were good not to ask.
I was miserable for a short time... seemed long but it was up to me. Hang in there.
