Newbie - first post and ?s

[Faith2010]

Hi Giving -

You are doing great. Keep it up. Just take his juvenile behavior as a sign that what you are doing is working. Just don't take the bait.

I hope you're right. One more reason I need to get away cause I'm afraid I'm gonna bite!

I am also headed out of town this weekend. S and I are going fishing, then I am meeting my in-laws (that should be fabulous!) on Sunday to drop S with them - he always stays with them a week or two during the summer.

I'm sure you'll have a great weekend, at least until the 'dropoff'. Good luck with that.

W has been on a business trip yesterday and tonight - MINIMAL contact with her. I didn't even know when she was getting home today. When I didn't hear from her, just took the kids to dinner. Not gonna let her lack of common courtesy affect me, at least what I will show her.

Their lack of consideration for us and the kids is astonishing at times!

Have fun with your S!

[Faith2010]

He is checking up on you to try to find something on you. H wants a justification for doing what he is doing, so that you can be to blame just as much as he is. Then he can say he knew it all along and that is what caused his infidelity. Just my 2 cents.

Shocked - I think you hit the nail on the head with the justification. H does not want this to be his fault. When he 'catches' me at something (like not telling him where I was going this weekend) he gets this air about him, like now he has something against me. It's liable to drive me crazy!

[trustingfaith]

The immature behavior IS hard to take but the longer you ignore it the easier it gets. I so many times want to tell him that I have enough kids to take care of I don't need another to deal with.:) It all seems so silly - he can ignore my calls (though I pretty much never call him anymore) but if I do that or I am evasive about where I am going then he gets so irritated. The longer you can go without taking the bait, the easier it is.

[Gardener]

I am also headed out of town this weekend. S and I are going fishing, then I am meeting my in-laws (that should be fabulous!) on Sunday to drop S with them - he always stays with them a week or two during the summer.

Alright...Giving, Ash, AND me! Everybody's getting outta Dodge this weekend!
Great times to all...

[JackieH]

Ash--

Take the money you have and keep it at mom & dad's. Then it is truly safe and available in the future if you need it. This is safety net money and I'm not sure if H can be fully trusted at the moment (I know, stupid statement) to not take it out of spite.

Don't defend yourself. It won't work, no matter how logical you are. Their brain in operating on illogical wave lengths and nothing will get through, so stop wasting your breath. No, my plan is xyz. That is all the information he needs. When and why you made those plans doesn't need to be explained in further detail.

Hang tough, it only took my DH 14 months to come around.

Jackie

[Faith2010]

Hi all-

I had a great time this weekend. It was much needed. I did my best not to think too much about things.

Before I left Friday morning, H told me he thinks we need to live in separate houses. H told me the date for it is August 1. I figured he was trying to upset me before I left for the weekend. I really didn't respond to him.

H texted me several times, always wanting to know what I was doing. If I didn't answer right away, I would receive a text such as "what, are you too good for me now?" H woke me up with a phone call this morning, wanting to know what we did last night. Honestly, here H is the one having the EA/IA and he checks up on me?

When I got home this evening, H asked if I was happy to be home. I said no (perhaps the wrong thing to say but the truth). H asked again then made a comment that this is the only home I have right now but not for long.

I've read most of Divorce Remedy. I have implemented a lot of what the book talks about. I'm focusing on the last-resort technique. In addition to this, I need to start GALing. Going to my friends this weekend was good, but I need to figure out things to keep me occupied while I'm at home/not working. Does anyone have any ideas on how to find support groups that deal with marital issues (MLC, WAW etc...) or anything along those lines? Although my friends listen and can sympathize, they haven't 'been there, done that'.

[Gardener]

Ash, I'm so glad you had a good weekend. H sounds soo insecure with the constant texting, calls, questions, snide comments. And, of course there is absolutely nothing you could do about even if you wanted to. You are taking care of yourself, caring for yourself keep that up and keep exercising those anti-baiting muscles Also, why don't you experiment with turning your phone off and checking in with it hourly or so. You control. You decide. You are not interrupted. Most (other) things can wait at least that long.

I have seen D groups online, but I don't know if finding a group to talk about M, R, S, DB, sitch, etc., is GALing. GALing, to me means - among other things - getting the mind and the focus off the sitch.. One of my GALs I found on MeetUp.com. Searched it by interest and wound up joining a local trail hiking club.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Ashlee,

Your husband is 38?? Honestly, he sounds VERY immature, like he's about 22 or something.

Puppy

[mishka422]

Ashlee,

If you are seriously looking for a support group, can I suggest DivorceCare? The program is run through churches all over the country. If you go to their website and put in your zip code you can find out if there is a group in your area. My DivorceCare group literally saved my life and I met one of my very best friends there too.

The program is to help you work through the steps of separation and divorce and the underlying emotions and reactions. They do encourage reconcilliation if at all possible so don't look at it as advocating D only. That is not the goal. The goal is healing.

[Faith2010]

Ashlee,

Your husband is 38?? Honestly, he sounds VERY immature, like he's about 22 or something.

Puppy

LMAO Puppy...thank you, I needed that!

H sounds soo insecure with the constant texting, calls, questions, snide comments.

Also, why don't you experiment with turning your phone off and checking in with it hourly or so. You control. You decide. You are not interrupted. Most (other) things can wait at least that long.

H has always been insecure. It appeared to have lessened over the years until now. I keep getting comments about his immaturity and I tend to agree. Our current sitch appears to bring out a side of H which is not so attractive. Do you know when we previously spoke about separating, H told me he was "concerned" that I would sleep with a guy just to "spite" him and he doesn't think it's in my best interest. HA!

H was outside speaking with OW for a long time tonight. The house phone rang... I wasn't gonna answer cause I knew it was for him but thought, why not? Let's interrupt his convo with b!tch! So, as sweetly as I could, I jogged outside with the phone, using a pet name for him, told him the phone was for him etc... Man, you should have seen his face...cause B!tch had to hear the whole thing. PRICELESS!
I know, not the most mature thing to do on my part but IT WAS FUN!