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IMHO, I think you are giving him too much power over you. That is exactly it. he does have too much power over me, his moods have always made me feel guilty and upset when usually it is just something stupid like a hangover or a bit too much stress at work. Yet he will always lay it on me. Act as if he is not in a bad mood, etc.. How would you act if you thought the outcome would be good? Acting as if he is not in a bad mood was my latest strategy before the bomb. This had been my strategy for maybe 2 or 3 years. He told me after he dropped the bomb that he felt like I couldn't give a XXXX because I acted that way Treat him like a friend, don't let his actions mess up your PMA.



I really feel that he is the one that has to learn to deal properly with his negative emotions and not make it my responsibility. When he is feeling negative towards me then he should tell me that is what is going on. When he is feeling negative about something else then he should tell me that. I will try not to do anything more than maybe give him a hug and tell him I am available if he want to talk it through, rather than trying to fix it for him. If it IS me he's pissed off with then I will try not to go for the throat as soon as he tells me what's wrong. I am going to have to sit him down and tell him this. He has to promise to try to differentiate who or what is causing his bad mood and try to leave me (or the kids) out of it when it is nothing to do with me.

Nik, do you have a current thread I can't find it? Just wondering what's going on with you at the moment.



take care

Fran

if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs
Erica Jong