Quote: I guess, the good news is that he didn't hide how he was feeling. That is good that he feels comfortable around you so he can let his hair down so to speak.
He did hide his feelings Nik, that's just it. The row we had in the end was because I dug it out of him. I was feeling resentful that he was switched off from me, so I told him that's how I was feeling. He was then sarcastic about it, went out for a smoke and so I waited til he came back and we sat down and talked.
I forgot all the rules about validating, it turned into a row, I was crying like I always do. Since I have been DBing and trying to have safe discussions instead of rows I stopped the crying bit. Suddenly there it was back again. He said he just feels like the paycheck again, that he doesn't like coming in the house anymore. That he doesn't have to live like this?!?! What does that mean, I thought he had recommitted to our marriage.
We did reconcile, but I ended up feeling bad all day Tuesday. Tuesday night, a diving friend of his came over and they spent the evening making transfers for banners and t-shirts for the dive-club awards evening. I had been out to get some special things for him so that I could make up for him not feeling special on his birthday, but again it missed the mark because his friend was in the way, so the food went cold, he found the expensive wine that was supposed to be a surprise etc etc.
Yesterday he texted me a message that I didn't get til today it said "you're lovely xxx". I wish I had checked my phone yesterday it would have made me feel a whole lot better. These ups and downs are too much for me. It is him that is the moody one, it is him that comes out and says he doesn't have to live like this and then next thing you know he is sending me sweet text messages
I just can't tell if the DBing is working or not, I am getting confused because there is so much other stuff going on. August-September was a really bad time at work for him so that has got to be part of the picture.
Also last night he came home (very late) after the dive club awards night. I asked him if he had a nice evening - he said NO. They had not given him anything but a muppet award for getting something wrong on a map so people lost their way to an event. He is webmaster for the club and spends every available spare moment perfecting the website. Apparently he knew he wasn't going to get anything because he was in on the discussions of who was going to get what, but it still hurt, so he just stood up and resigned in front of everyone. So he is feeling like cr*p all round and it is not just about what I am doing. He never shares with me until it is too late. he knew he wasnt' going to get an awared, he knew his birthday would be overshadowed by the funeral, he knew about what was going down at work, but he always waits until it gets too much for him so that I am left feeling what the hell did I do wrong which ends in a row, before he will admit what is really going on in his life.
Grrrr
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
