Yes Kevin. It hurts and yet it can be the blessing in disguise you needed to jolt you forward. All that CG said applies.
My older sister was crushed when her h of 22 years left her for OW. With 3 kids. She had put him thru law school and worked the whole time they were married, AND she did the house work and took care of the kids, etc etc.
Unlike my younger sister who fell apart and had no kids or job, my older sister managed to function during her turmoil, and get an extra part time job since in her state, she got NO alimony from her h, even though he should have paid her back for the law school in my opinion (and more, imho...) She got screwed and yet handled it with dignity and didn't whine. No obsessing, just forward movement...We had to bite our tongues b/c we knew that her xh was not much of a catch (despite his income. )
She was hurting....yet even then, the rest of our family knew SOMEDAY she'd see that her xh had done her a favor. WELL She does see that now. She remarried A man who "gets her" and treats her very well. VERY WELL and better than her first h ever could. That is the truth. Her xh did tell her he was sorry, made a "HUGE MISTAKE" and blah blah blah. She had moved on. She was and is NOT angry at her exh. She feels sorry for him b/c he remarried a woman he does not love that much, b/c that's all he could get at that stage in life. He said how much he regrets losing my sister, etc. She wasn't punishing him by remarrying. It's just that she found someone better suited to her. That's just the truth.
She found a man to whom the marriage was the most important thing in life and that simply was not how her first h was wired. And she sticks up for herself more too. So Now when her new h and she fight, they "fight" in a healthier way so there is no weird tension around afterwards....it's no big deal whereas before with her xh, it was always a weird thing b/c he'd go off the handle at the sligthest thing and who wants to be around that? NOW She has family holidays at HER HOME b/c she knows there is no way there'll be a "scene"...
She's much happier now and never would have been happy like this, if her first h had not broken her heart. Ironic, isn't it? She knows.
Kevin you know you'll be a better man for this. And that will lead to better things. So it does matter. But sure, it's hard to hear all that now. We get it. Right now you are in pain.
Yet somehow... your "inner self" has apparently decided enough hurting has happened to you, and your kids, and is taking steps to prevent even more damage. That is a healthy thing to do.
j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
