Another Waw

[Refuse to quit]

Well it was first overnight friday and man was I excited. I met my wife at the McDondals and got the kids. We spoke for about 15 minutes and it was pretty neutral. The kids were having a really tough time with her not comming with us. Especially our son. She was doing her best to console him. I was really hoping this was getting to her like it was me. Was killing me to see this. Any ways while we were moving things to the car from hers I went and put a CD I had bought her in the player without her noticing. It was one of her favorite bands. We left and I was hoping she would call or something to say thanks or check and see how the kids were doing. At home we had a great time. It really seemed like how things used to be. Me home from work and getting the kids ready for the night. Even the dogs were acting normal. Still I kept feeling like there was one thing missing. After both the kids were down I was really hoping she would call to check and see how the evening went. Never happened. I did not want to call her as I wanted her to know or feel what it is like not knowing. The next day (yesterday) we went out and had a great time. My son kept asking the whole time why mom did not come with us. Later in the day I felt sad the the time together was comming to an end. I got them all ready to go back to be with their mom at the grandparents house and my son tells me "dad I don't want to go back to nanna and poppa's house I want to get mom and come here to our house." What do you say to that. I told him I know. Me too. I did not know what to expect when I met her. I was hoping she would be excited to see us. I should have known better. I should have realized that all of the past times when reality is setting in I get "THE WALL." After court appearances, before, during, and times like this where reality is setting in I have seen this. It is hard because it is something I have no control over. She was very cold and went on to tell me that she sees the old me and that nothing has changed. She had a book in her car that she was reading when we pulled up, I think it was Parenting after Divorce. I backslid a bit and asked her why she was reading that and she did not answer. My son said to her when she was pulling him out of the car "Mom I don't want to go to nanna and poppa's house lets go to our house." I did not answer I wanted her to answer him. She just told him I know. I feel like I have changed so much for the better. Doing things with the kids that I would have never done before. The hardest part is staying positive that these things will make a difference. I want nothing more than for us to work these things out. I know we can. I feel like it is so hard when she is being bombarded by family, books, etc. and other sources that she has made the right decision. I told her that I knew deep down she wanted things to work out. She looked me in the eyes and did not say anything. But I know without a doubt it is true. I know I should not have said it. I know I should not talk about things like that but should keep things more of the friendship basis. Is is just so hard when this pending divorce is looming over you. I know I have not detached. How do you detach from someone you love and want to spend the rest of you life with. I have stopped the calls and e-mails a while ago. The only thing that seemed to be a positive yesterday when dropping the kids off was when I asked her if she had found anything in her car (the cd)? She said she had and had a genuine smile on her face. She asked if it was on loan or a gift? I told her it was for her. I wanted her to know that I was thinking of her. I can tell she appreciates things like this. I know they may seem to be small things but I can really see a difference. I feel like a lot of people on here though would tell me not to do it as it is seen as an act of chasing her. We are getting close to three months of living apart. I wish I could see in the future to what lies ahead. Any advice would be great.
RTQ