It's been a few weeks since I've been here with any regularity. A lot has happened, and unsurprisingly, a lot hasn't. I wanted to just journal where my sitch is at and the goings on. My S17 went to Germany to help my wife pack and get ready to come back. The plan was that they were going to come back together on 6/15. Well, that didn't happen. While my son was at her apartment, he noticed that she was talking to someone on the phone in German, and his german isn't too bad, so he recognized that she was talking in hushed tones, avoiding him, etc. He confronted her about it and she, of course, denied that she was talking to the OM. Well, that was a bold-faced lie. He discretely got her phone from her and verified that it was indeed the OMs phone number.
Needless to say, my son was crushed; moreso by the fact that the W lied directly to his face. He called me and let slip the sitch. I talked to W and, at first, she was indignant: she wasn't talking to the OM, she was coming home, I needed to knock off the jealousy and prying. etc. She was continuing her cycle of lying to me. I told her that this was a deal-breaker and that it was over for us. She changed her tune really quick! I hang up with her and called my lawyer and said that we could proceed with the paperwork. I made an appointment to start the papers (I had a consult with him a few months ago) and I was feeling pretty good about my decision. After all, I tried to save my marriage. I and my kids endured months of her lies, betrayal, being in emotional limbo, etc. In the process I learned to love myself. I learned to be a good father. I learned that I didn't need her to make me feel happy, alive, or whole. I broke my cycle of dependency. I had no guilt that I refused to live in an open marriage (Thanks Puppy!)
My son came home alone on 6/15. My appointment with my lawyer was the same day. That morning, however, W calls before I leave for the airport. I was very matter-of-fact: Hi; just leaving to pick S17 up; need to know where you will be living for the next 30 days; etc. She breaks down in tears. She says that she misses me and the kids. She feels so alone. Makes some lame excuse about why she was calling OM. Whatever.
Then she says she wants to come home and she will work on everything. Wow. She just sent S17 home alone and now she misses everyone? Yeah, I know: they are just words. It still drew me in. Ok, what do you want from me?, I asked. She said she wants to come home; be a family. She realizes she's made mistakes. Damnit. I blinked. I called the lawyer and postphoned the meeting. picked up S17, and she has been making plans to come home (real this time?)
She moved out of her apartment and back in with her parents on Friday. The only thing she says that is holding her in Germany is that she hasn't sold her car yet. She has a written offer from a guy who is flying to Germany on July 19th, but he can't purchase it sooner. She has been calling almost every day; says she loves me every day; is making plans for us again. So why am I so down?
She has never explained satisfactorally why she was calling OM. She is broke: she spend $55k, she sold her expedition here so she has no automobile when she comes back. She has about 7k in credit card debt (they still get mailed to my house), her car in germany was new and she is practically giving it away (4k euro in equity), she failed her drivers license test and her international license expired so she is driving illegally, she hasn't ever found a job in germany and she flunked out of nursing school.
In a nutshell: she has no other choice but to come back. Is it normal to feel like she is taking advantage of my good nature? For the price of a few daily "I love you's" she gets to come back with a clean slate? Truth be told, I am wondering now if I want her back. My life is going great right now: my relationship with my kids is better than its ever been. I've reconnected with a lot of friends that I have drifted apart from over the years. I know that I could find happiness in whatever I choose to do, and with whomever I choose.
Well, that's the news. Sorry I was away so long. I hope everyone else is having a great summer!
Me40 WAW37 M18 T20 S18,14 D13 EA Bomb 6/08 Sep 11/20/08 Ret 08/09 Sep/Filed 11/09
