another newcomer - thread #2

[Done in VA]

Just jumping in here, but have had to deal w/this one once since the bomb was dropped. Now keep in mind my H does not say he wants out of the M - he is still "deciding" (gimme a break). He stayed out all night bc he drank too much & I told him - "As long as we are living under the same roof, with children, it is not appropriate for you to be staying out all night. What if something terrible happened to the kids (God forbid) and they needed their father? I understand we are in a very difficult situation right now in our R, but I would hope that we could live respectfully as roommates in the same house until we can figure things out."

I know you have already discussed things with her so it may be too late for this post, hopefully there won't be a "next" time, but just in case. I agree w/what you said in a), but, by adding the What if something terrible happened to the kids (God forbid) and they needed their father? - you are giving an explanation that is valid regarding your kids (takes the focus off of what "YOU" think). Remember our spouses are like teenagers...they are selfish, they do not care what YOU think & it helps if you can give them a "why" for your boundaries.

b) she does not care what bothers you right now. By saying something like I understand we are in a very difficult situation right now in our R, but I would hope that we could live respectfully as roommates in the same house until we can figure things out - it takes the pressure of the R. Hey let's respect each other...all I'm asking for is a roommate relationship...SAFE!

I know I'm not perfect, just thought it might help.