There was a time when I would have told you that you were wasting your time. I have been on this path for almost 7 years and certainly understand a whole more now than I did then. Being in the business of helping others work through their personal problems, I should have seen more clearly exactly what was going on in my own life.
If you really feel you have nothing to lose then do it. After my divorce I too sent a letter to my ex. In retrospect I now see that it was much to early in his MLC travels for him to even consider anything that I had to say. In fact his response as I remember it was, "you must know someone that you can talk to because you obviously are having trouble with acceptiance and moving on." Another blow to the gut.
Fast forward 7 years. My ex now sees things in a very different light. He has referred to the letter and told me how it "made him angry because he still felt that I was trying to control him." The strange thing was that he kept it. From time to time he would run across it and had to deal with what he had done to his family. I never did ask him if he would re-read it, but I do know that just seeing it made him have to deal with the pain and hurt that he left in his wake. He now understands the damage that he has done and has even started with the apologies by trying to right some wrongs. It takes a very longtime for such troubled people to accept the reality of what they have done. So if you can do this with no expectations, you will probably lift this hurt and pain that you are carrying.
I now know that by writing what I did I planted a seed that even though originally denied with anger has always been with him. The truth can only be pushed aside for so long until it has to be dealt with. Let's face it. As we move along in life we all have regrets. Sometimes it takes years for them to resurface and for us to muster the courage to deal with them. When we deal in truth, our lives can only get better.
I like the advice that the previous posters have given. WL made some very deep and thoughtful points.
Cat, I would like to add that just because your Mother doesn't have it in her to give you the apology that you deserve, that doesn't mean she doesn't carry the guilt with her. She must be a very damaged person to not want or to not know how to do this. Being that she is living in a situation where she has admitted to once again not being happy, speaks volumes. Unfortunately, some people just don't understand unconditional love or true happiness. How could they if they have never felt it?
