Can it get any worse?

[glamgirl]

At this time my h is trying to get in touch with the state and he is pursuing a paternity test. It's not like he has ever had to do this before, so he will have to figure out what and how to do that.

At this time I can't even think about my future with h. I have to turn that one over to God. In all of this, I was thinking that my h knew he had a kid, trying to keep that a secret from me. It does seem like that is not the case.

As far as anger, I have not seen my h angry with people with the exception of myself, but that could be a defense mechanism to keep his distance with me or part of this whole mlc.

My h is more of wait and see type of guy. He doesn't want to make assumptions before he knows the facts. I am more of the jump to conclusions without having all the facts.

My h is handling this very calmly and wants to get to the bottom of this, so he is taking action. He is finding out from the state next steps. At least this did not push him more into depression, he seemed fine yesterday with all that we have been through.

At this time, I just need to step back from all the issues and focus on what is important to me and in the best interest of our children. Doesn't mean I believe my h is innocent, it's just that we don't know what the outcome is at this time and I can't assume or not assume it's h's child at this time. If it's not, then I wasted a lot of time on nothing. If it is, then I will need to cross that bridge. It's like I can't cross the bridge without having all the facts.

I did feel some peace yesterday knowing that my h really didn't know anything about this. I also felt at peace knowing that ow is not with my h and maybe hasn't been to the degree that I have assumed over these past years. That may sound strange but it brings somewhat of peace over my thoughts right now.

Thanks for all the postings and prayers. I can only ask God's help with this one and believe me I have been praying heavily for strength and direction as to what to do with whatever the outcome is.