Bagheera - I agree that there is probably something deeper. My husband is the least lazy person you could meet not in terms of physical energy but in terms of commitment to whatever he is doing. He basically does everything he puts his mind to and does it well.
So I think that there are some sexual hangups obviously on both parts. In the past I have relied on my partners to "bring me out" sexually and I think that is part of the reason my other sexual relationships have been gratifying. (We can leave for a later date the possibility that I prefer a sexual relationship with someone who doesn't treat me well but ... oooooph I'm not ready for that can of worms yet if that can does in fact contain those worms).
My husband is a pleaser to the detriment of his own pleasure in life. He will tell people what they want to hear and it isn't out of manipulation. He wants to believe it too. I really think that the "No More Mr. Nice Guy" book that Luckygirl has mentioned would be well-suited for H but I have to wait for a time when he tells me / realizes even a little that his "Nice Guy" status is getting in the way of achieving what he wants.
I am going to hold off on the therapy b/c I believe that with some delving and reading H and I can figure this out. Plus therapy isn't cheap. I will keep posting and when it appears that therapy is the next step and I haven't realized it, please don't hesitate to suggest it again.
