Quiet day. The kids and I did Saturday stuff. Sports. Groceries. Gas. We played over at the school. Rearranged the master bedroom -- I didn't sleep there last night. For one it felt weird; for two it smelled like WAW. Not "smelled" in a bad way. But was redolent of the Essence of WAW. Couldn't handle it. So I washed everything on "Super Wash" cycle. Rearranged. Clean sheets. New towels.
I'm going to try to sleep there tonight. But it's weird. I haven't slept regularly in that room since February 7, 2003. On the 8th I reported for deployment to Iraq. And somehow the sleeping-together never came back into focus after my return to the States in the early summer of 2004.
Note to Self and Fellow DB'ers. Co-sleeping, sleeping in same bed. Essential for intimacy. Probably the most-controllable aspect of my descent and fall into the world of D -- the most preventable. And possibly the one that would have paid biggest dividends had I addressed it. Not sure why -- I mean, you're asleep and all. But it's got something to do with Two-ness in the same space. I have to think on it some more.
Fitful sleep last night. Couldn't get up. Boy-child woke up at 5, distressed (by his account); came downstairs to check on me. "You were looking so comfortable, Daddy, I didn't want to bother you, so I went back to bed. Was that okay?"
Little man.
Ran into a couple we know at the House O' Really Big Stuff (6 pound jars of peanut butter, 12,000-packs of napkins). Didn't occur to me that I might run into WAW there, it being close to her new house and Saturday and all, until I was already committed -- membership card flashed, cart piled high with new towels (gotta love House O' Really Big Stuff).
Anyway, this couple is super and were very good friends of ours. I'm there with the younglings so, of course, "how's Mrs. SP" is the natural course of convo. So I break the news. Mrs. Couple was sweet -- she was trying so hard not to cry.
I gave them the Cliff's Notes version, said some brave things about one-day-at-a-time and seeing-what-we'll-see and the like, and then invited Mrs. Couple -- who is very fond of WAW -- to call Herself and check in on her.
Mindful of the Batsh*t-Crazy-a-Thon that ensued when I had the gall to remove Herself's Mother's painting from the wall -- from my wall -- to protect it from the movers, I texted WAW: FYI, ran into Couple @ House O' Really Big Stuff. Told re: D. Mrs. C cried. Asked her 2 call U 4 support if U need it.
WAW texted back immediately: Was there ystday saw Divorced Former Neighbor Lady. Same reaction. DFNL says worst mistake of our lives. Wants to talk to us both.
Well, now, that's a puzzler. Didn't want to have a "conversation" with WAW. Not today. And she's kind of tricking me into it, text-wise. But why mention the last piece unless it was on her mind? But she's only 24 hours into this -- I don't have faith in her decision-making processes, any more than I did when she offered me an entire house, all of her houses, anything!, if she didn't have to pay support. She's not thinking straight and, opening or not, I'm not dealing with a Not-Straight-Thinking WAW.
First, what if she got cold feet and "came home" -- what guarantee is there (okay, forget "guarantee" -- how much confidence could I have in the likelihood) that, once comfortable again, she couldn't be a Re-WAW? Because her decision to return wouldn't have been based on reflection and evaluation, but would have been based on fear.
Second, she hasn't had enough time. Her BFF came over last night; she's partying tonight; BFF will be there until tomorrow night. So she's been "alone" in her new house a total of about 3 hours. She hasn't started to feel what she's going to feel. This, I think, needs to be ridden out for a while.
(Plus the "our" in "worst mistake of our lives" really bugged me. "What do you mean, 'we,' white man?" asked Tonto.)
So I was cagey in my reply: Time/space 4 now. Kids ok. Njoy yr frenz [WAW is having a house-warming party tonight]. FYI got yr note. Havnt red. That was probably bad DB Kung-fu, but I couldn't get going down that road. Not today. Not trying to rebuild this house. And certainly not at a red light.
