Do what you have to in order to survive this mess, and as BeingMe said, don't worry about your H, or his feelings, or how the next time will be when he is in your presence. Your focus needs to be on you and your children now.
To put it bluntly, he wasn't too worried about how you feel, so don't worry about how he feels... do what is right for you.
Now is the time to look for those baby steps that you will eventually make in order to walk through the pain and into your brighter tomorrows. Take small steps, without ignoring your feelings or yourself for that matter. You, indeed have a great deal in front of you. However, you have to know you will survive, you will adjust, you will find peace again one day.
Don't rush into things, take your time. When you find yourself swirling within negative thoughts, stop yourself for a moment to count your blessings... for once you begin, you will see things don't look as bleak as they did before you began to look.
One moment at a time, one small step at a time.... you will break through this, and find happier times ahead.
