I too was not for writing the letter until I read Whitelight's reasoning. Now I'm not so sure.
I will share with you that I am the child of a D. My mother was a WAS who married OM and it has lasted over 25 years. In these years I have learned that I have a wonderful stepfather when I look beyond the slime of the OP persona. However, my mother, has not had the same experience. She left my father, for a man just like my father. Many times she has thought of another D but she hasn't done it because she says she will find someone else with the same issues. I guess she sort of learned one lesson (LOL). To this day, she still refuses to see the damage she did to me and my sister. No matter how often or in how many ways we tell her, she just doesn't understand. I don't know if stepfather does or not. Now that I am facing D, all she can say is "now maybe you can understand why I did what I did." I can't but I don't run from my problems so....
My point with that is simply that writing the letter will make you feel better. But I doubt very much that it will make any sort of difference in the thinking of the OP or H. Write it and burn it. It will get the negativity out of you. It will help you to heal.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
