Hi Drew and Mindblank! Good to hear from you both. Mindblank, I actually found my more updated list of "Do's & Don'ts" on your old thread. I lost mine when my computer crashed. Anyway, thought I would add the last ones and if they overlap, you all just be patient...lol. Maybe I will get it together now. I don't want to wear anyone out with this list, but if it helps to use as a guideline, I'm happy to pass it alone.

List Continued.....

22.Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what he/she will be missing. (But never ask him/her if he/she has noticed any changes!!) This is important! If you do, then you have blown it.
23.Do not argue about how your spouse feels about something (it only makes his/her feelings more negative.) Only they know how they feel!
24.Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you. Look them in the eyes when they talk to you. Do not interrupt them when they are speaking and stop what you may be working on to look at them when they talk. This shows them that you really care about what they are saying.
25.Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to
speak out (or scream and yell).
26.Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all
the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil). This is for your health's sake.
27.Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly. Read self
help books, inspirational books or listen to tapes. They are for you only.
28.Know that if you can do 180's, your smallest CONSISTENT
actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say
or write.
39.Do not be openly show that you are "desperate" or "needy" even when you are hurting more than ever and truly feel desperate and needy. This is a large turn-off for your spouse.
30.Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse, instead, focus on them.
31.Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because he/she is hurting and scared.
32.Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
33.Do not ask your spouse if he/she has noticed your changes. Those changes are for you and for the rest of your life...with or without your spouse. If it is just to get your spouse back...they won't last and the same problems will return.
34.Do not send several TM's or emails throughout the day unless absolutely necessary.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!