SST! Hi! How ya been? I have a hard time finding you with this new db.com format!
Pushing... I'm really more conscious of this. Funny, before I read your post, I was reflecting on the day (while watching the guys put in our pier! LOL)N wondering if I'm now overboard on the leading... Examples: H has been home since about midnight, and already I've been called out to ask input on new locale/layout of the pier (MB says, "what way do you prefer? Youare the one doing the work, and the one that will be most involved in getting the boat/waverunners out and in.). H asked what the schedule was for tomorrow (boys have their last soccer games). (MB says, 'Here are the game times. I'm flexible. And since you guys might still be working here, just tell me which one you want to go to, and/or if you want to send one of them with a teammate this time.). I asked him what hed like me to grill later (usually - would just cook).
So, you get my point. I'm trying to let him lead, if not turning the decision making back in his lap. Especially if it makes his life easier. (Remember he travels most of the week, and sleeps very little...)
MOST importantly, I went to Borders last night and got The Power of a Praying Wife. The kids were all gone, so I came home, poured a glass of pinot, sat on the boathouse, and read the first chapter, and prayed the first day prayer. It was about Changing Me. I, obviously need to change. I need to let go of a lot of resentment for H re: rejection. I need to forgive him for being unhappy. I'm at least half responsible for our unhappiness, yet I've been blaming him. (Have told him HE needs to forgive me for not doing my part in our M.). Lots more, but to much to mention here. Eye and heart opening for me. Not sure if it was the wine and/or the praying, but I felt more peaceful last night. (I'm sure both!!). I didn't cry when I went to sleep. I haven't cried today. I still feel pretty anxious, but I think I'm going to read that prayer when I start to feel anxious (not sure I should have the wine everytime, lest we have a new problem!).
I am a believer, not overly religious, but truly a believer. I like being a praying wife. We are truly the most effective people to pray for our husbands.
This got really long.
Off to go make dinner, and a waverunner ride! That cuts through the stress, as well!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
