Agh! He's detached completely!

[IWillSaveOurMarr]

Gizmo backed out of the get together last night. <sigh> This time, it's not his regular blow off, it's because I'm still married, he says. He was very upset and seemed almost angry when he said this to me. He says it's not fair and he feels like he's taking 2nd place in this. In a way, it's kind of noble, but I am upset just because calls with him were an island of normalcy in my day to day life because I enjoyed talking to him and had fun just talking. Now he says he doesn't want me to call until my divorce is final. I reminded him that if we have to go to court, this may take a year, and that my H has refused to go to Mediation. He said he didn't care, "don't tell me this stuff".

I asked if it would make a difference if I moved out of my living situation, and he said "but I don't have A/C", and I corrected him telling him I was not talking about moving into HIS place, but moving somewhere else, either an apartment or back to my folks place.

I get it, he doesn't want to potentially be going out with me if my heart is still with another man, my husband. And I wish I could stop loving my H, it would make all this much, much easier, but I can't just stop and my secret hope is that he will wake up and smell the roses and get some help with his anxiety before the D is final, so we can actually try to make this marriage work. I told Gizmo this, I was upfront about it, and cried to him about it and he was incredibly understanding. So it is very noble of him to step back right now and let me and my H make these decisions ourselves first and end things properly before mucking em up by involving another person. It makes me sad thinking I can't even talk to him on the phone though, because the calls were a bright part of my day.

I will take it as a compliment that he doesn't want to even see me until he knows he can 100% have me, heart, body and soul, and hopefully it's cause we still have chemistry going big time. We did see each other 2x in person, and there's definately still something between us, even though all we did was hug, and talk about the details of my divorce and I cried a bit both times.

Maybe if I give him some cooling off room he will ok just talking on the phone at least until the D is final? I hope so. I will write him a letter reiterating what I said yesterday afternoon so he can understand how I'm feeling. I will also use the opportunity to tell him that I need him to be more responsible if I date him and none of this date blowing off crap in the future because it gets very old.

While I was sad and moody about this, since I am seeing not one iota of my H budging from his positions, I gave it a good hard think and decided that I would be willing to give up the house, at least giving up trying to get the house to live in it, not the equity. This has been the main stumbling block for me and H, and I asked him today that if I were to give this up (just the right to have the house as my own after the D), would he be ok with doing mediation, and he said he would think about it, which I will take as a good sign. And no, I'm not doing this for Gizmo, I am doing it for me. Even myself and my H didn't want to live her forever, we just felt that we couldn't afford to take a loss on both my place and this place before we move into a nicer neighborhood with much better schools.

This place really isn't big enough for me and a family, and I do intend to have one in the near future, so while it would work for a few years, it's not somewhere I want to be for say beyond five years, and that is when it really doesn't make sense to buy something. This is no different. Problem is, that I alone would barely be able to make this mortgage, much less one in the more desireable part of town, which would be 175% of this one.

While it will kill me to live with my parents, it will allow me to catch up with bills and save a heap of money for my next house. Also, if the tax credit is still in existance (for $8,000 for new homebuyers) next summer, then I could get that then. And as my sister says, it's not like this real estate market is going ot clear up overnight, it will still be somewhat bad next spring too. Or maybe I can get a deal mid winter next year, taking advantage of the same situation, getting rid of something that's been on the market for eons and making a lowball offer. Who knows. Point is, why work my *ss off for a place I don't want to be in for at least 6 years, and have to pay thousands in legal bills for this privelge?

Should reunification NOT happen, at least I will get closure with the marriage, and then I could begin to date again. If all went well with Gizmo, well, he already has a house, so I wouldn't have to worry about that.

I think G is also intimidated by the salary of my H, because in the process of getting an overview of my case, in which we determined it required a heck of a lot more than doing a simple form at this time, he inquired about both of our incomes, so I was upfront about that to him about my H's. Like the movie "Fireproof", my H obviously has the inside track because we are already married, should he decide to work on it.

Got to go.