Thank you Sandi, you have given some great things to think about, Mainly the taking charge, laying down the law type stuff with her actions...
I want to make sure you have not misunderstood about what I'm suggesting. I am not telling you to act like her dictator and treat her like she is "beneath" you. I don't think that is what you mean, either. But I just wanted to make sure that NOBODY misunderstands what I'm saying. To me, setting boundaries is like drawing a line in the sand and saying, "don't cross this line or....(fill in the blank)" If she does cross that line then you need to be prepared for a consequenses that she would not find pleasant. I'm not suggesting physical violence of any such stuff as that, but a consequence to the R with you. This is something that needs to be well planned in advance by you, so you will not be caught off guard by inappropriate behavior. Due to her age and instability, IMHO, she needs a "structured" environment very much. You would have to be the one to set the tone for that environment. That is what I was trying to tell you by you almost being a "father figure" to her. I hope that was not misunderstood by any of the readers here b/c it is hard to put into words what I'm trying to suggest. She doesn't have self-discipline like she needs in her life. That is why she is so erratic. She needs you to live out a disciplined life-style before her and help guide her into the same patterns. Am I making myself plain? I know you are not dumb....and I'm not imply you are, I'm saying that I have a hard time explaining in typed words the message I want to send.
thank you sandi!
ok a question or two....
i understand the idea of setting boundaries and stating what is acceptable to me and what is not. NOW, what would be a good example of a consequence if she overstepped a boundary?
say she comes back and is textin some OM? what would be a logical or pertinent consequence for that action?
Also, for example, she says she's thinking about coming back at such and such date, and it doesn't happen. what would be a relative consequence?
i'm throwing out examples, only looking for ideas of consequences. this is something i haven't done in the past, nor have i found much in the way of information regarding this topic. HELP?!
