Mojo. The life force. The essence.

[traveldane]

Amazing how this "barrier" becomes part of the WAS's drive to push forward.

I was told "I can't go back" and "I'd never feel good about myself in our relationship again, I'd feel like I'd always owe you".

My response: "You'd owe me the same thing you've always owed me, the same thing I would owe you, your best. I wasn't talking about going back. I was talking about going forward".

I saw reconcilation between my cousin and his wife...after an A, exposure, separation initatiated by the unfaithful spouse,horrible fighting and bizarre details. They have 3 kids and it was bad bad times all around. They lived apart for about 18 months. They both said it was very very over. During their initial reconciliation, it was hard on the family who had witnessed it all, but once we all saw that both spouses were genunine and commited, everyone began to be tentatively supportive.

What the WAS doesn't realize is, we the LBS, in considering reconciliation, have to live with stigma too. We get to live with people's quiet (or not so quiet) judgements, their own assumptions about what they would or would not do or accept. The WAS thinks they are the only one that has their dirty laundry aired in the process.

I think that when and if it gets to that point for anyone, the emphasis needs to be on why reconciliation is what both people want, and not just how difficult it would be to make happen.