I don't really agree with the way your are handling Kevin on his thread. I don't see your advice working over there. I believe you should have stopped posting to him a LONG time ago. You seem to keep wasting your time with him, but keep coming back for more. Do you hate men so much and you know Keving will keep taking your 2x4's and yelling at him and telling him how stupid he is and such?
Are you referring to Lucky Girl (or City Girl)? Because I don't think I've seen Lucky over on Kevin's thread.
Also, Gucci, In fairness, I'd like to tell you what I've seen.
I have known many women who divorced and subsequently worked on themselves, developed new interests and really learned how to be more whole without a R and THEN, they went on to much healthier, fulfilling and lasting marriages.
On the flip side, I have known many men who divorced, jumped into new relationships and either hit the skids over and over or ended up divorced again at least once if not more (plus all of the kids in the middle).
I am trying to sort of bridge the philosophical divide here.
I have never commented on Kevin's thread. Perhaps your spreadsheet has a typo.
I never called John a snake. Ever. I asked him not to lower himself to his W's level, that of a snake.
Gucci: You came on here disagreeing with some of us, and that is your right. I also have the right to disagree with you. And I have the right to give John input, but I will stop if that is his wish.
I think he's thinking of CityGirl, who -- along with a couple of others -- have been beating the crap outta Kevin, rather than just stop posting to him, which is probably what they ought to do. I swing as many 2x4s as anyone, but at some point, you just have to agree to disagree and leave them alone.
We COULD also say that he has learned so awful much from DB'ing that he now knows EXACTLY how to treat a woman and will be the most wonderful date she has ever had because now he is no longer a DAM.
HE will know how to validate her from the first date.
He will know how to GAL if she doesn't want to go out a second time
He will know to look for her "love language"
He will know when to only listen and not give her advice.
This is part of my gameplan for the next person in my life--so many mistakes made in the past with my wife-I will not make the same mistakes again.
Quote:
She WANTS to go out with him. She IS an adult. HE is an adult.
Going out is NOT getting married. It is NOT having sex...
Exactly right--going out with someone does not mean having sex necessarily. Why can't I go out with a beautiful woman just for company and get to know each other. Isn't that the way this is supposed to work? I mean if I could just go out and have sex with her that wouldn't be much of a challenge and I wouldn't respect her either. And no, I'm not looking to get married.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Hoop, Valid points but as I stated before I'm not going to go out with someone with the intent of committing adultry. Why can't I just have a friend? If it evolves into something else then yes I could see where there may be a problem. Bottom line, I'm not trying to go out with this woman for the single intent of having sex. She seems interested in me and I am interested to see what kind of person she is. What can it hurt by going out to have a drink or to dinner together?
I would do nothing to jepardize my retirement.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
There has been a lot of interesting discussion on my sitch and I appreciate EVERYONE'S input. I am very, very tired and ready for this to be over. Thank you all for taking the time to give me your thoughts and advice.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Amazing,got a call from the wife and she said she wants to come home now. My SS is getting married and she has offered her apartment to him. She asked me what I thought about that. I said I would have to think about it. She always does something to make me question what I'm doing when I make a decision about what I want to do. I have been out here in New Mexico and have had a good time. We'll have to see how things go when I get home.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
John, I would like to offer my 2-cents. First, to answer your last email...no, you are not allowed to have a relationship with a 27-yr old military female...I do not know her rank but for you the rule of thumb is you should not "hang out socially with anyone other than TSgt's, MSgt's, and SMSgt's...one stripe below and one above...you may think that your intent is not to develop a sexual relationship but you are wrong...that is nature, so do not put yourself in the position to question your personal motives. I am a little surprised that you would think otherwise...what would you think of your CC if he or she is "out" "just" having supper with a SSgt you supervise who is a slug and you rate that is getting a 3 on his/her EPR? Are you that out of it because of your W? I do not think so...
Your W...I think this is the time for you to draw your line...make sure she knows your rules...you need MC and IC...and your D needs C...your W has changed her view of life. I think this is the time for you to decide...do you REALLY want your W back...I can tell you that even if you say yes today you might change your mind in the next 4-5 yrs...it will be very hard for you to accept the day to day life and not think she "owes" you more than she is giving...I think you should bounce what you want off this board with PDT as the final review and sit-down with you W and explain what you need to feel safe. If she says no...then you are where you were before.
I think you should let her move back home and tell her to do it now, today while you are TDY...she is already staying there with your D and dog...have her back when you return from your TDY. Go see the Chaplin and consider One-Source. See if she agrees...we will work more as we go...let us know what you want to do...remember, "before" is gone, forever, not everyone can accept this...you may think you can today but your thoughts may change...
