Really wanted to say thanks......I read over what I wrote again and you are right! Its not about what he wants me to do. I don't want a D, but I do want to move forward. What I am hearing from him is that he wants the same.
HOWEVER, we are approaching this so differently. I feel like he is already acting like a 2 year old.....and maybe actually more like a teenager....trying to bargain with me...
Its so confusing. I thought I would be crying or something tonight.......but, I'm not. I am just tired and I need to get ready for a work related event tomorrow morning. I need to get ready to start work on Wednesday officially .
I need to figure out what I want to do about getting a printer. My printer really is such a pain and I am thinking I should buy a new one....they are around $100. I don't want to add more expenses...but, its going to be a pain if I don't own a printer. Know what I mean?
I don't quite know how this happened.....but this week just flew by...even H said that this morning....and really its so true.
OK. Will figure out what to do tomorrow night or saturday. I am just too tired to actually think. I wish I had some friends here or even just "a friend".
OK......well, I have a lot to do, so....I am just going to vegetate on my couch with the tv on! HA!
Have you read up on MLC? It sounds like your H is going through a big one. You'll see that he's showing all the signs, especially the way he acts like a teenager.
Imagine his demands like a teenager wanting a car. You can practically hear the same whiny tone. MLC people will do that and essentially throw a "tantrum" when they can't get what they want.
You didn't sign my papers...wah wah wah. You don't love me.
Sad but true.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Remember that as long as you know that you will be fine no matter what YOU will have YOUR power. No matter how hard it is that is your power and no one can take that away unless you let them. I don't understand his desire to get a D to "feel" a break from you.
Hi Kara, Yeah......I don't really get it. The only thing that I can say is that we started our R with me needing a lot of support from him. What I am hearing from him is that he is not able to break that cycle bc as long as we are married he feels he needs to take care of me.
Its a lot of BS...but, there is some truth to it. I think I have helped him a lot as well......just in a different way.
I am going to have to do some reading about MLC. Any suggestions anyone??
Also, he has not called me to let me know he reached.....should I call to make sure? My gut is saying he is trying to detach and if I call, it will make it easier.....cuz he will feel like a husband being checked up on by his wife. Its stupid bc on his way here, he called me when he checked in and then again inbtw his one connecting flight. And now nothing. A quick text saying he made it would have sufficed. But, oh well. I should let him just be, right??
I will check out the blogs on this site when I get a chance. And it is certainly feeling like I am going to have to muster up a lot of Patience to get thru this MLC.
Hi Orchid - well, you survived! Tough, tough days with some positives and some challenges as well. After a few days I think you'll see things more clearly.
Yes, patience will be the key if you're going to wait this MLC out. I'm glad you have a new job to keep you busy. That should help a lot!
Well, I have had an interesting 24hrs since dropping my H off at the airport. Last night I just got busy getting things organized and trying to get ready for today's meetings. I did think about calling H once(I think I wrote on the blog) but decided against it. He is looking for separation from me.....that means not showing I care when he does not ask for it.
But, he did call and I missed his call and didn't somehow see his message until 1pm today. I got busy so did not even listen to the message before 4pm. He called 4 times!!!! and left 2 messages today! HA! IS IT EVIL TO FEEL SOME SORT OF SATISFACTION AT THIS??????
Anyways, I did call back and he said "OMG, I thought something happened to you on your way back from the airport."
He was wondering about my day today and wanted to hear about it...and I told me some of my day and then said hope he had a good evening and hung up. He is a really funny man.
I have so much to do right now and so I am really glad about that. It keeps my focus on me!
Other than that, I have a dinner with co-workers tomorrow night and lots of things to finish by monday!
I am still mulling over what to do about the D papers. There is a large part of me that thinks I am going to have to go ahead with this if we are going to have a chance. It is just a piece of paper and there are no real assests to divide.
The problem is, I am not sure how I will FEEL after this.
Hi orchid1, I've popped in on your sitch now & again. I was kinda in the same sitch you are now. I never wanted a D, but went along with my H (I actually took over getting it done). In the end, I saw it as the only option left to move forward to ..... somewhere......
In my sitch my XH could see D as the only way out. Out of what, his guilt & unhappiness ... maybe...... probably ......
The other path, working on our M, never seemed to be in his view & I don't think he knew how to.
On D day, I was fine & he was sick to his stomach. I know he finally realized that he didn't try to save our M & that a D did not automatically change the love he felt for me. It's still there. The plus side, I can no longer be the blame of his unhappiness.
I have no advise other than to stay strong & keep pushing forward w/your PMA!
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
I really needed some input about this. I feel somewhat the same way, like just taking over. But, its scary. How did you feel about H after the D day? I am afraid I am going to hate him after that......
I expressed this to him and he said he totally understands that and if by next April, I don't have it in my heart to love him and be with him, it will be his loss. He says its scary to him, but, he can't seem to stop feeling this "responsibility" for me. And D is the only concrete way for him to get this "break".
A part of me is just so sick of all of this. Its an immature approach to a crisis situation.
A part of me would like a new start........but, you cannot escape your past, you know what I mean? At some point, this is going to come up and we will have to go thru some crazy counselling or something to build any sort of trust.
Thanks for your response and hope you are doing well.
