I wanted to post your list in my thread in order to have easy access to it not to mention if a new person to the forums passes through then great. I feel like I have been over analyzing everything since the anniversary and while the last visit went well in the the DB sense I know that in a lot of respects I haven't been doing myself a lot of favors by being this way. It really does seem like there may be a 'softer energy' to my W but I do believe I am done trying to figure out why that may be the case. I realize this is quite a new situation with us only being separated 1 month and it really just needs to be about my own well being at this point. I don't think my db coach would agree that I need to completely drop the rope maybe just relax the grip a little more. I do believe that is what I need to do so I look forward to talking about that with her a little more. I need more perspective on showing my W I still care but not at my own expense. I see that I may be prepared to have to completely drop the rope. I've read other LBS's threads saying it was best for their well being and it just so happened that their WAS's really took notice.
Anyway on to the list. I plan on reading it to myself everyday and I would recommend if anyone is comes through this thread as new to the forums that they do the same
DO’S & DON’TS FOR LBS
1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore! 2. No frequent phone calls to him/her.......let him/her be the one to call you. Then don't try to hang on to him/her through conversation.....say good-bye first. 3. Do not point out the good things in marriage or try to get him/her to read marriage books, etc. 4. Do not follow him/her around the house like a puppy dog trying to get his/her time and attention. Don’t act as if you are going to gobble up their “crumbs”(Remember, you are drawing him/her back with this technique.) 5. Do not encourage talk about the future. 6. Do not ask for help from family members or friends. They can’t fix what is wrong. 7. Do not ask for reassurances (That is showing neediness and being clingy.) 8. Do not buy gifts. (Can't buy his/her love and affection.) 9. Do not schedule dates together. (That is pursuing.) 10.Do not spy on spouse. (Not good for you and will make matters worse.) 11.Do not say "I Love You" (It is being "pushy" and trying to make him/her say it back to you......he/she will despise you for it.) 12.Act as if you are moving on with your life as if you’ve had a “wake-up call”. 13.Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive at all times! 14.Don't sit around waiting on your spouse – get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, go walking, etc. 15.When at home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation---then don't, wait for him/her) then, be scarce or short on words but don’t act “hurt” or mad. If he/she asks what's wrong....just say "nothing". Keep it short and simple. Don't get into an argument! Stay polite and don’ t act like you are pouting. 16.If you are in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING!! No matter what time he/she comes home! Do not sit up late waiting for him/her to arrive home. 17.You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse. 18.Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more importantly, realize what he/she will be missing. (But never ask him/her if he/she has noticed any changes!!) Do not discuss your plans of self improvement. 19.No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him/her someone he/she would want to be around, somebody that is attractive and fun. You want them to think that they would be a fool to leave a person as great as you. 20.All questions about marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while). 21.Never lose your cool! Don't let him/her trap you into a fight. WAS are able to do that easily, so be on your guard and refuse to get into a R talk. 22.Don't be overly enthusiastic in showing a PMA, b/c it will come across as fake. 23.Do not argue about how he/she feels (it only makes his/her feelings more negative.) 24.Be patient......very, very patient. Give him/her space and time. 25.Do not go out with other people or flirt with others--in order to cause your spouse to feel jealous. It is best to stay away from places that would encourage temptation with the opposite sex.
