When I was 26, a 40-yr-old man in an unhappy marriage told me that he was getting divorced and asked me out. I told him that I was sorry about his marriage, and that I wished him well in bringing that relationship to a close and building his new life. I also said that I was flattered that he asked me out, but that I wouldn't consider beginning a R with him until his divorce was final and he was living on his own. I knew enough to make wise choices for myself at that age. I know many girls who aren't that wise, and no matter how I've tried to counsel them, they will make their own decisions and suffer the consequences. Funny... That man didn't get divorced until 10 years later when he finally found a woman that would seriously date him (not just have sex with him) while he was still married. He just couldn't find the b*lls to leave and stand on his own two feet without having a woman to hold his hand through the transition. He hasn't spent one day as a man who stands on his own. This is NOT a differentiated man.
John,
While I agree that you should not jeopardize your career and let it become yet another casualty of your W's vagina, I am more concerned about the fact that you are incapable of getting rid of your W based on her disgusting, lowlife behavior *without finding a girl to use as a crutch.* You are emotionally fused, and if you haven't read Passionate Marriage by Scharch, it should be a priority.
You haven't taken a moment to decide what you want in your next woman because all you want is to have your W back. This 27-yr-old hit on YOU. You were not seeking her out. You let your W dictate everything and you respond to the first woman that comes on to you. I worry about the type of woman that you attract, frankly. What is wrong with the 27-yr-old that she even wants to get with a man who hasn't even filed for D yet....
1. Come to a resolution about WHAT YOU WANT. UNTIL you determine what you want in your life, even if there are a couple of prioritized scenarios, YOU ARE LACKING SUBSTANCE AS A PERSON.
2. If you want your W, fight for your W. Don't be a scumbag and use a girl (I don't care WHAT age) to get back at her or to get her to come running. Nothing wrong with being dark and making her wonder. The 27-yr-old may want to get married and have babies someday... Don't use her like garbage just because your W uses you like garbage. Don't ruin karma for your sweet daughter.
3. If you are DONE (God please please please make this man done,) tell your W she's out and file for D. Be a noble man and do things cleanly and dignified. THEN, start formulating what you wish for in a woman. I would hope the characteristics of your new woman look a bit different from your W.
Your W has really done a number on you. I am astonished to see how willing you are to lower yourself to her level. Don't be a snake. Be the proud man that your daughter looks up to.
All of my input to you is from my heart even though it is harsh and may not be what you want to hear. It is what I would tell my boy if he were in your shoes. I am begging you to please rise above all of this filth and game playing. You don't belong there, John.
I am praying that you stay the dignified course.
I am praying that you get over your W and that you tell her what's what. Sorry to be harsh, but... She is DIRTY, man, stay outta there.
I am praying for a very GOOD and loving woman (who happens to be hot) to grace your life and show you and your daughter that these mythical magical creatures DO exist. I know they exist because I and many of my beautiful friends are GOOD and DECENT and LOVING and HOT too!
There is a better place for you and your daughter, and it is up to you to put you and your babe in that better place. Protect you and protect her.
