I'll start with some good news...I was pre-approved for a mortgage so now I can start to look for a house to buy instead of a rental. There really isn't much on the market right now in what I can afford so I most likely will do a month by month rental until something pops up.
Of course everytime good news comes my way, it always gets brought back down to the stressful level.
I had a bad night, I'm stuggling today.
Ex took the kids to Florida to Busch Gardens and did not tell me until he was on the plane with them going.
He said he didn't want to tell me before hand because he wanted it to be a surprise for the kids and didn't want me to ruin it with my jealousy.
I finally got a hold of him through text messaging and he told me. Of course he had to use the excuse how he got a super duper deal, like he always does.
I let him have it back.
I basically told him how it was amazing that he always says he has to work all the time (his excuse for not getting a shed permit) but he can find the time to run off on vacation all the time. And that it was amazing that he owes me money, S5's school money, and he still hasn't taken out the life insurance policy he was required to do but he could afford all these vacations.
He TM back that they (he and ow) saved for this vacation. How about saving to pay me back and S5's tuition?
He basically accused me of being jealous and I didn't like when the boys got to have fun with him. He told me to get professional help and read a book because I need to get over him. I ruined my chance with a great guy. He said some other nasty stuff which I can't remember right now.
I finally called his cell and left a VM. I told him "If jealousy is what you want to call it then go right ahead, maybe I am. It's kind of hard to accept all this because when we were married you couldn't spend a dime to take us on vacations. Now the ow gets experience all of this with my kids and I don't. She has taken my place all around. One day I hope you feel the same pain that I have been feeling. And the thing that really bothers me is that you owe me a lot of money, S5's school money, and still haven't taken out the insurance policy, but somehow you have been able to buy a new house this year, a ride-on lawn mower, a $1,500 jungle gym set for the boys, and a bunch of vacations while I sit back and struggle".
He TM me back denying it of course. He told me that he was always unhappy with me he was just denying it to himself all along. He would give into me because he didn't want to admit it. He said he coudn't wait until my brother's wife needed something fixed in their house so he could go over there and he and she would complain about their spouses. He said he was miserable all along and finally got the courage to leave me. He wanted a companion and he didn't have that in me. He said the boys are much happier now with us apart because we don't fight.
I told him "we only fought when your ho entered the picture".
Of course he denied it. He TM me back again but I did not have the fight in me to TM back.
Why if he was so unhappy did I not see it? If he was so unhappy why couldn't he tell me instead of complaining to my SIL? I couldn't fix what I didn't know was broken. Instead he decided to wait until the ho passed him by and took the easy way out.
My self-esteem is pretty low this morning. He was so damn miserable with me I forced him into the ow's arm.
