I have a different take on things then most people here. If you are still trying to save your R then I would say don't write the letter, but if things are really through, then I think you should and here is why.
I liken these affairs to major crisis and oppression in our world. They harm so many people and emotionally wound and break them. The finances take a windfall. Many people on here post how their cheating spouse had a parent who cheated or wasn't a good parent to them and that they think they have childhood issues. Well now these new spouses are creating another generation of people who will grow up with repressed issues and create new havoc and pain if they act out on them in the same way.
So, because I see this whole issue as a major social crisis, I view it in terms of other historical social movements.
I'm sure there were many blacks who said, no, don't try to sit in the front of the bus cause no one cares, the whites will never change, they know what they are doing is wrong, they don't care etc. etc. etc. There were enviormentalists and hippies who thought the general population would never care about the Ozone layer or the atmosphere or global warming. Their were women who thought women would never get to vote, why even try etc.
The point is, do we just sit here and watch injustice and cruelty repeat itself? Or do we call it for what it is. INFORM people about it and put it out there. Slowly people may change. I think that it would be awesome for you to let OP know the damage that they caused. I think it would be great for you to do it in a way that is as informative as possible. I think it would be great for them to know what role they played. They may not respond. They may continue to fill their facebook up with smiling and kissy photos. They may act like they have done no wrong. But I think it will affect them, whether they admit it or not. And I also think that it will feel good for you to get it off your chest. Truth always wins in the end. Even Rome only lasted a thousand years, but the truth will live on forever.
