It's MY life now!!!........

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, 25.

Thank's for getting back to me.

I loose ALL military benefits after one year, EXCEPT I get "my portion" of his retirment of course. There may be a COBRA like thing available beyond that, but I'm not sure and it wouldn't include still being seen by my Dr which I have had for 15+ years. But I do have a job and benefits through them, which is good, except I will have co-pays and such on visits and the meds I take permanently which will be a big pain in the behind. And, yes, I get 40% of his taxable retirement. AND H has said he is not going to claim "his part" of my retirment account either.

My H has always had issues with the "messy" stuff like emotions and relationships. He is a good man with a good heart, and always did his best to be a good husband and father, but he was by no means and "instinctive father". We were involved with our kids schools and had counseling with our both our kids (D24 is "high functioning autistic", and S18 had ADD and Tourets Syndrome). This obviously was a challenge to a man that saw things in "black and white", and didn't like the "messy" stuff, be he was in that counselors office every Saturday for 7 years and also home schooled our D when things got so bad at public school for her.

I remember an incident just a couple days before D24 was born. I found H sitting on end of our bed crying, which was very unlike him!! When I asked what was wrong, he said that something was wrong with him. That he just didn't feel what he should feel. All the excitement he hears from other guys having a baby, wanting to feel it kick, hearing the heartbeat.....he just didn't feel that way. I now know that, during his teenage years in his family, they were on welfare and trying to build a printing business that they started with an inheritance his Mom got. H used to stay up all night working at getting a "job" out, and then ditch school to go sleep in the car in the parking lot. H's brother told me just a few months ago that their father had given H that "responsibility" to build his self esteem because he was a very shy withdrawn kid. H however, it has come to light, saw it as the whole support of the family was on his shoulders. So, he saw family as a responsibility, not a joy. Still does......

When we told H's mom that I was pregnant with D24, she was surprised and told H that she didn't think he wanted a family. H now sees that as very significant and honestly believes that he shouldn't have, but he did it because that's what he thougth he was supposed to do....... He really believes that. And though he would never admit it, I think he feels like a "failure" because our children had their "issues".

So, he was never very demonstrative or great at spending "quality time" with the family, although we did do it. Went camping, fishing, boating, etc., but H often had little patience (with himself for us). That's part of why the kids have major issues with him, although to give him his due, he has gone out of his way to try to maintain contact and relationship with the kids.

Today, I drove my car to work rather than do the bus thing, so I could take some stereo equipment to H, which he took up to the "dream property" this weekend (so the guys that are going up there with him for the 4th of July will have "tunes"). Our conversation last night, and the exchange of the equipment last night went very well. We also seem to have come to an understanding that we both really do care about the other, and don't want to be greedy or vindictive, and that we are both lucky that the other sees things in that same vein.

I really do feel that we will, in fact, be able to work things out to both our satisfaction. My concerns are no longer really him changing his mind and "shafting me", but more of the possibility of unforseen circumstances, and he has helped to re-assure me in that regard.

And, yes, I do trust my lawyer.

((((((25))))))