I think its time to really put some space between you two. Back to the schedule. Obviously he can have his kid time, but family time might need to go on hold.
Limit phone converstaions, don't feel the need to chat beyond the basics. No need to make any bold statements or proclaimations. Just say you need some space, you're busy. The fog is too thick for him right now, and I can't stand to see you hurt each time he refuses to step out of it. He's got you as his best friend in his back pocket and knows it. Let him stumble around in there a bit. I think so much of this is really accepting that timey really is everything. The time for supporting him and showing interest, validating, etc. might not be right now. He's not ready to receive it for the truly amazing gift that it is.
Its like you told me. Build yourself a place of quiet safety, don't come out again until you are ready. Let him fully embrace LaLa land. Can you and the kids get away for any ammount of time? Maybe even just a few day trips this summer?
Everyone defines their own reality. Clearly his does not match yours at this time. Don't fight it. Don't analyze it or judge what it means or where its going. What matters right now is what is real to you, what you want to create in your life. Work on that, set the rest aside. I know it is going to be hard with the co parenting. I don't mean to minimize how that complicates things. But I think it is possible. You just need to keep your focus. Thinking of that Emerson quote- What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Don't ever discount yourself. Everything you have done so far you have done from strength and love. You've got this.
Me 30 H 33 together:10 years married:5 years Separated: 1/23/09 living apart 5 mos and counting "when you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on"-FDR
