That does hurt. What did I do that was codependent tonite?
You dropped EVERYTHING to run to aide your W because you thought once again it would be a chance to prove how reliable and stable you are as a family man. But she doesnt see it that way. She sees you as "on call when she needs you and disposable when she doesnt need you". You should have been dependent on going to the AA meeting as planned but you chose to run to your W instead. Do you see how that is codependent?
W wasn't going to be able to pick up D7 before 6pm which is when D7 has to be picked up by. I hung around for a bit and talked to D11 whom I haven't heard from all week and then I split out of there.
If tonight was your W's night w/the children IT IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM THAT YOUR WIFE DID NOT MAKE THE PROPER ARRANGEMENTS to care for BOTH of her children and take her sister to the airport. And you "split out of there" because your W told you to go and essentially said she didnt need you anymore. If your D7 had to be picked up at 7 then your W should have (A) done it herself and arranged her schedule to be able to do that or (B) made arrangements with you in adnvance instead of at the last minute. That goes to show how little respect she has for you or your alone time on a Friday night.
I help out where I can when asked because I feel like it is my job as a husband and father. I try to ask myself what would Jesus tell me to do as a husband and father.
It is your job as a co-parent to work WITH your W. It is your job as a co-parent to be respected for your time. It is your job to be a good single dad (what you are now). You are NOT a husband right now and the more you try and act like one the less appealing you are to your W. I dont know how you dont see that. I cant speak for Jesus but my guess is he might suggest you start forming some bit of self worth and realize that being stomped on and used doesnt equate the "job" of a husband. You are separated and your M is over therefore your job of a husband is done. Your current jobs are (A) father (B) co-parent and (C) whatever 9-5 gig you hold.
I was going out a lot and was told that is filler time and not getting a life.
And you didnt really get what we are saying. You should be going out and meeting people and finding new things to do because it is FUN and will open new doors for you socially. And yes, it is part of getting a life but its only a small part of it. The main part is working on your life from the inside. There is not a reason in the world you cant do both. You cant go see a C a few times a week, go to AA a few times a week, work 40 hours a week and have no fun outlet. But you dont do the pressing things (C'ing, AA, detach, rebuild you), you just do the fun stuff. Do both.
My biggest obstacle is not focusing on my W. It seems like if I can get past that, then I can really focus on other things which I am now trying to work on blocking her from my mind.
Blocking her from your mind is NOT detaching because eventually she will creep back in. Please define what you feel detaching is in your own words.
Granted I had a setback today after reading about the D that worked and I have seen some others work. But that probably would not work in my situation.
Nothing will work. Accept it. The only thing that will work is working on you which you still have not done.
I have to thank you because you are giving me a terrific opportunity to really see how far my patience can be stretched. Each time I (we) ask you to write goals with very specific parameters you dont do it but you can tell us you had pizza and it was good.
I wont beg and plead and ask anymore. Do whatever the hell you want. You get more attention than anybody on this entire site yet you have made the least progress. Can you help me understand why? Help me help you.
