WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 10

[confusedinpa]

Stuck has been giving you excellent advice! I'm kind of proud of him since I feel like I helped raise him... (Just kidding, Stuck)

Sandi - you have definitely done a nice job raising him ;-)

I don't want to just be friends with the woman I love. But I will cross that bridge when I get there.

When you said this, it reminded me of my H telling me that he had no intentions of being "friends".....if I left him. It shocked me and it hurt. I think it was a reality check I needed. Oh, I fantasized about life with the OM, but it was only a dream. I think I knew all the time that it could never work out between me and OM.....but I stubbornly held on to the fantasy.

I had actually told her that when, about six weeks before she moved out, she started going on about how she will always be looking for a reason to change her mind and that even divorced people can get back together and remarried. I cut her off at that point and told her that if we get divorced, that we will not even be friends as I can't be friends with the woman I love and not be able to show her.

I see your wife having way too much contact with you to be all that serious about D you. She "finds" excuses to contact you. All that business with her feet and her back.......bologna! Oh, she may have pain.....but it's funny she turns to you to help her out. I can tell you that when I was an almost WAW....there was no way I wanted my H to touch my feet, my back,..or anywhere else! I did not want to be anywhere around him, or even hear his voice. That is how women are if they really are fed up with their H's and are serious about leaving. I know she's left you, but something is not right about this. She wants to be around you too much for me to believe she truly wants a D.

I really seems to come in spurts where we spend a lot of time together and then it almost seems like she has gotten her "taste/hit" and then retreats. I'm really not sure what is going on with her, other than she is trying to set things up so we will be best friends post divorce. Others have said that she is stringing me along to keep me as back up until she finds someone new.

Either way, I do take the opportunity for when we are together to show her the best CIPA I can be, but at the same time show her that I don't need her. I want her but know that I will be fine without her. A very subtle difference but very important distinction. If she does wind up leaving, it will be her loss. I know that I will be fine. It will also be a loss for my boys, but I will do everything I can to minimize their loss.

She can find "friends" in other people....right? So, why is she there so much and why is she calling and TM so much? Maybe you don't see much possibility....but I do. I think she needed to see some changes in you and that she needs to get some issues in her head straighten out. I believe the silver lining is growing, so don't give up.

Take care,
Sandi

Thanks for the encouraging outlook. I was really bumming tonite, not because of me, but because of my boys. Your post really helped lift my spirits some. I know that the only thing I can control are my changes. The rest (seeing them and getting some issues in her head straightened out) is up to her, I can't control that.

I'm not giving up. I'm continuing to work on what I can control and making sure that my future as long as my boys will be great.

Thanks again for checking in on me.

Take care