GETTING UN'STUCK'

[MrBond]

One positive thing this week.

I was able to make her laugh a couple of times. That may not seem like a big deal, but my sense of humor was considered one of my "charms". During this whole sitch, my W's barely cracked a smile, but for the past month I've been working at trying to get her to laugh like she used to or at least increase the smile factor. Especially since she seems to be caught up in the bad funk of the sitch.

So this week, I finally cracked that. I told a couple of stories Tues. and Wed. that she actually laughed at.

They weren't kidding when they said "baby steps".

[traveldane]

Stuck,

Just wanted to tell you how much I admire your strength and the way you having been hanging in, yet consistently working on your sitch. You seem to be a great job of evaluating what works and doesn't work, doing more of what she responds to, switching away from what does not get through.

Your careful, considerate and consistent approach is a great example, along with your patience. I am so glad to hear that you "cracked" through the funk. Baby steps yes, but definitely invaluable towards your goal.

Your W. and family are so lucky to have you.

[MrBond]

Thanks td.

I've been meaning to catch up on your sitch. I think I was one of the first who responded, then I got a little caught up with GAL.

It is a long process, that's the truth, but I think the thing to remember is that when we all go through this in the beginning, the negatives far outweigh the positives. Our "work" is to turn that around while working on ourselves.

Will all of us here make it? Who knows. But the fact that we tried and learned what it really takes to make a R tick and even learned something about ourselves along the way is the real positive out of all this.

[25yearsmlc]

fwiw,

humor and laughing together, are HUGE bonding events for many couples. I think one of H's "love languages" for me is laughing at my jokes even if he has heard them before. I mean it. Almost like foreplay.

When we dated, but were not yet exclusive, I recall another guy I had dinner with totally not "getting me" and I thought, Geez, "h" would have laughed at THAT... so that other guy got "weeded" out...and H became my H.

It matters. Bond with the humor but don't read into it or make it a tactic..Nothing forced. Rent some comedies, watch stand up, or if you can, without it looking like pressure, see a live comic. Laughing together is just some quality time. Make sense?
J-

[MrBond]

Well today's my B-Day and I feel pretty down.

My W and I share the same B-Day and in the past we had some really great ones with some really great B-Day nights (if you know what I mean). I just kind of miss it.

One thing that I can't shake is that last year on our B-Days, we told our girls that we were separating. It was probably the worst day ever at the time.

So I ended up getting her a gift certificate to the spa and sent her flowers to her working place. I'm sure that's pursuing, but oh well. Temporary insanity.

Tomorrow night I'm taking her out to a nice restaurant for dinner.

I just wish I could get rid of this feeling of anxiety I have right now. I think it is because of the separation last year. It just sucks.

[traveldane]

Will all of us here make it? Who knows. But the fact that we tried and learned what it really takes to make a R tick and even learned something about ourselves along the way is the real positive out of all this.

True that brother man. Its certainly has been eye opening. Never a dull moment would be a massive undertatement...but still, like you said, its important to value the growth and perspective.

Have a great weekend :-)

[confusedinpa]

Stuck,

Happy B'day! I know your girls are wishing you the best as well as all the people you have been helping in the forum and those around you. I know I really appreciate all that you've done to support me and if I was in Hawaii, I would be buying you a couple of bottles of champagne for you to enjoy your B'day with.

Just to echo back some of the things you have said to me - go get a life and enjoy yourself. You are the only person who can control your happiness.

You wife has the same crappy timing as many of the WAS had here. It seems to be part of their pattern. My wife wanted to tell my boys on Easter Sunday, after I told her that I wouldn't let her tell them on my 7 year old's B'day. Take it that at least you told them together, my wife told my boys when I was at my therapist appointment the Monday after Easter Sunday.

Sorry for the tangent on my situation.... back to you....

I think you did fine with the gift. Personally, sending flowers to her work place makes a very public statement that you are still in this and haven't given up.

And you are right - it does s*ck! But you know what, to steal a line from Coach, if anyone can handle it, you can!

Have fun tomorrow nite at dinner. The resturant you picked sounded great! Go out have "act as if" and just go with the flow. Remember expect nothing other than eating a great meal with a fantastic view. If your wife doesn't enjoy it, make sure you and your girls do!

And I don't expect to see you post on this forum until 24 hours after the dinner.

Happy B'day!

[bonnyh]

Hi

Happy Birthday, thanks for reading my Sitch. Present sounds good and who knows the flowers may be appreciated and show OM (if he's still around) that you're not giving up so easily. And if it's not appreciated you know what not to do next year.

Enjoy the meal maybe focus on the Ds, let your W deal with her own stuff.

[25yearsmlc]

Stuck....

Rent or watch something that makes YOU laugh.

Remember that? The GAL? You deserve to have a life. Every journey to any place in life, starts with that first step. Take a step, and make some movement.
You can do it - and you have to.
J-

[MrBond]

Thanks everyone for the pick-me-ups. They really help.

I guess I had another emotional set-back today. My W had a lunch date with a guy whom she had a crush on since Kindergarten. She's told me before that they were just friends and she only sees him once a year.

Well, he took her out today for lunch to celebrate her birthday and evidently they were out for 2.5 hours. Now for anyone else, it would be no big deal, but remember my W has no real friends, so this was a shock. Plus whenever we talk, I can't get anything more than 2 minute snippets out of her at a time.

Just another thing to worry about. I hope she doesn't get into an EA with this guy, but I see us falling into the same pattern of her putting the kids first when we're together.

I've been GAL, but things like this just knock the wind out of my sails sometimes.