Your kids probably suspect more than you even think, especially the older two. Going dim seems like the best plan for you... not dark because you still see & talk to each other, and presumably she'll be coming back to the house after house-sitting.

The no-touching is hard, isn't it! I'd give just about anything to have a hug from my H but it just isn't going to happen rt now. Gotta detach and give them their space. Keep up the good work. The camping trip will be good for you and the kids.

I did go for a bike ride tonight, and guess who got the tire fixed by herself? Uh-huh, that's right - me!! smile I played with all the lil' valve stem things and eventually got it pumped, got the tread back on and enjoyed a nice ride (without any rain!). Back on the porch now with a glass of vino and some nightly DB readings, haha!

I wrote back to my FIL tonight re: how things are going. He'd asked me when I thought I'd lost myself and stopping putting myself first. I wrote back very honestly abt when I thought it was (after the kids got into HS), and why and how I'd stopped being a fun, spontaneous person and stopped putting my H's needs and my own needs first. Become a supreme nag, judgmental and uptight. I gave my response a lot of thought today because I know I can't control what H is doing, or even know how/if he feels he contributed to our sitch, but I can and need to be honest about my role so I can own it and not make the same mistakes in the future. Hopefully that future will be a new M with my H, but if not, I really want to be a better person.

I was listening to Michael Jackson music today, who isn't?, and the lyrics to the Man in the Mirror song are so well written...

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking if he'll change his ways...

If you want to make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and make the change!

It all starts with me. It all starts with us.