Look, I am going to say right off the bat that I am in a very bad mood. I have had a horrifying two days, a difficult dr's appt, a not so nice exchange with my H y'day and today is our 10 yr. wedding anniversary and we did have a decent exchange. So pardon me if this is blunt.
You just started C'ing and you havent even gone to AA yet. A few weeks ago you were on cloud 9 because the D was dismissed and you said you were going to DB your ass off (which you have not yet done).
Now you read ONE case where it worked (RobD) when he filed against his WAS. First of all, if I am not mistaken I "know" RobD from another forum and have followed his story for some time now. Second of all, RobD *HAS* been properly DB'ing from the very start. You are comparing apples to oranges.
There mere fact you said that it would "shock the crap" out of your W implies you are looking for some sort of jolt or reaction and I can promise you it wont be the one you are looking for.
You are all over the place and desperate and I feel sorry for you. If you are done with your W then you are done and if that really happens to be the case you would, in a quiet and dignified manner, file the papers and just get it over with. The mere fact you posted here to see if it "might work" speaks volumes.
Here you are on a Friday afternoon trying to come up with a new scheme to win your W back when she is probably out bike riding with her 55 year old male "friend".
Any C'ing worth their weight would tell you that you are far too emotional, far too unstable and far too weak to file for D right now. It is purely an emotional reaction and tactic on your part.
You want sparks to fly with your W? File for the D to "shock the crap out of her". Sparks *will* fly and you will be sorry they ever did.
Would you please try and get it together for ONE day and just NOT talk/think/obsess about your W.
You are like the guy that is always looking for the next way to make millions of some scam when all you need to do is go to work each day and put in an honest 8 hours. See what I mean?
I have seen somebody jump off a bridge and only get a few scrapes and bruises. But the other 100 that tried it died on the spot. Weigh your odds.
The LBS that filed for D and it somehow brought their spouses back practiced proper DB'ing for a very long time.
You are like the guy that is always looking for the next way to make millions of some scam when all you need to do is go to work each day and put in an honest 8 hours.
I thought about that with better be prepared to go through with it if I do it and I'm not right now and don't know if I ever will be.
I didn't get to go to my AA meeting earlier, so I am going to go to a later one. W called me twice and needed me to pick up D7 because she couldn't because she was taking her sister to the air port. I didn't answer either call. I finally called her back and I picked up D7. We went and ate dinner.
Then W and D11 met me. W was wearing a dress knee lenth and cleavage showing. She looked so hot. I had a hard time not noticing her chest. We talked some. I acted disinterested more than anything. She told me I could go ahead and go to my plans now. I said thanks, they are already blown. She apologized and said she felt bad and asked what my plans were. I said don't worry about it.
After a few minutes of talking to D11 about her church camp I sent W a text to her cell phone saying "Later" even though she was sitting across the table from me because she was chatting with her best friend anyways. I then told the girls goodbye and got up and started to head out. D7 needed to get a bag out of my car so we all walked over there and I got it for her. Then W told me thanks and gave me a hug goodbye. I was stunned as she hasn't initiated a hug since New Years Eve. I know it didn't mean anything though. It was just a thank you and friendly hug. I was polite. I know she could tell that it caught me off guard.
There is another meeting starting in about 45 minutes right next to where I live.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
So your D11 has been away for what, a week now? And the gist of your post was how how your W looked. Your D11 got a mention at the end of your post.
Think about that. There are hot chicks all over the place but you seem to only notice one.
Is tonight your W's night w/the kids? If so then I think you should have told her you had plans that cant be changed and had her figure out the schedules with the kids and her sister and the airport. It seems odd to me that you are okay with her basically saying "ok, now I am done with you and you can go do what you planned to do" AND that you told her things has already been blown.
Yes, your kids are your priority but it if was your W's night she should have planned better. She knows though she doesnt have to plan better because you will always drop everything and run to her aide when it comes to her not arranging for ample childcare when she has made other plans (sister to airport).
I would have said... "Gee, W, sorry I cant help you out on your night with the kids but I have a date and I cant be late!". She doesnt need to know your "date" is AA and if you said it cheerfully it would not only surprise her that you didnt come running to help her but again, you missed the chance to create mystery. And you totally skipped out on something you *need* and made it secondary when it should have been a priority. Sure, there is always another meeting somewhere but you had plans to go to that one and right now you need to stick to what you have planned barring an absolute emergency (this was not an emergency, it was poor planning on your W's part). And yes, IMO, it was a "thanks whipping boy" hug.
Then W and D11 met me. W was wearing a dress knee lenth and cleavage showing. She looked so hot. I had a hard time not noticing her chest. We talked some. I acted disinterested more than anything. She told me I could go ahead and go to my plans now. I said thanks, they are already blown. She apologized and said she felt bad and asked what my plans were. I said don't worry about it.
Yep, you "acted disinterested" while you were drooling over her cleavage? Women aren't stupid. If you wanted to act disinterested, you should not have been there. That is the ONLY way to pull off disinterest when you are obviously still obsessed.
The whole paragraph is so wrong Kevin. Do you see it?
Yes, your kids are your priority but it if was your W's night she should have planned better. She knows though she doesnt have to plan better because you will always drop everything and run to her aide when it comes to her not arranging for ample childcare when she has made other plans (sister to airport).
I would have said... "Gee, W, sorry I cant help you out on your night with the kids but I have a date and I cant be late!". She doesnt need to know your "date" is AA and if you said it cheerfully it would not only surprise her that you didnt come running to help her but again, you missed the chance to create mystery. And you totally skipped out on something you *need* and made it secondary when it should have been a priority.
What CityGirl said. ^ This should have been your first priority.
Ditto. Learn something. Do something different. Stop the paralysis by analysis. Stop living for the whipping boy hugs. Re-read my earlier post. And CG's and DETACH and detach and detach and and...oh for God's sake, I can't even say it anymore... blah blah blah... j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
So I did everything wrong again. Why can't I think on my feet? I thought I had handled things pretty well and apparently I didn't. I guess I feel obligated to step in and be available when it comes to my kids.
D7 was unhappy to see me picking her up after work. She was expecting to see her mom. I think she feels ripped off on her moms time when I am there.
D11 had a very good week at church camp but didn't really fill me in on the details. She was kind of quiet and ate.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I do not think I have ever been so exasperated with a person as I get when I read K4D's threads. Honestly! Dude....get a f#(#&(ck'n life! Forget that your wife is even alive. She is dead. The woman you married is NO MORE! She is growing and becoming and to be honest, I am going to say something that I know everyone on this board wants to say and even a few have hinted about it. Your wife left because she was slowly dying being married to you. She keeps you around now for a convenience and nothing else. I, myself, would never go back to you. You are so codependent and you make me feel like I am drowning when I read your threads. *throws hands up in the hair* 2x4s, 4x8s, hell even a mack truck running over your head is not going to get you to change because you don't want to and that is the truth. Nothing in your life is going to change until you step outside of yourself and see yourself as the person you are. I won't sit here and tell you what everyone else on this board sees when we read your threads because it does no good. You are going to have to look in the mirror and open your eyes and mind fully and prepare yourself for the reality that is you. It's ugly and hard work and you I doubt will ever be able to accept it and change. Keep beating your head against the wall and keep on doing the same thing over and over because you are the very definition of insane. UGH!
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
