I know this is tearing you apart. So many people are affected by one person's actions. Friendships and family are often never the same after a couple has D. Naturally, you don't want any of that to change but people, like your SIL, think they have to choose sides and therfore leave you in your pain. These things are really bad, but you can't do much about it. Remember to keep your dignity and integridy and no matter how much you want somebody to see the "truth", you can't compromise these traits in order to keep them in your life.
Yes, there have been M that have been as bad as yours that did survive in the end. I may have told you about "imLin" who use to post to me when I first came on board. I think she stopped for a long time b/c her life was so busy after she and her H got back together. You may want to check her thread out in the MLC forum and see if she still checks in from time to time. Her H was in MLC and living with OW and was ready to M OW. It was horrible. It took about five years before he finally came out of his MLC and went back to her. I think she said they were together a year before he could finally tell her that he loved her. Frankly, I could never go through what she did. I'm just not that way, but I really admired her and she helped me so much and gave me the information I needed. You would think that she would not even want to talk to me since I was a WAW......but she wasn't that way at all. Anyway, maybe that will give you hope.
I have been posting to another LBW whose WAH treats her so awful that I get upset with her taking his mess. I know it is easy for me to sit on this side of the computer and say, "don't do this or that", and it's another thing for the LBW to apply the principles. The time it takes to reach the place of emotionally detaching is so hard. I do believe, as I've told you before, that one can detach and continue to have hope for the future.
He is not in his right frame of mind and you must expect him to act completely opposite from the man you M. If you don't.....then you are going to suffer beyound what you are experiencing now. I pray that his MLC will not last as long as Lin's H did and he'll wake up to realize what he's doing. In the meantime, you know that you have to move forward. It would not be healthy for you to try to stay in this mental place that you are at this time. I believe that you are the woman who can throw herself into loving her child and mother and who will live each day to the fullest extent that you are able.
Shannon, I realize I'm repeating myself, but hopefully it will help you. I have seen God heal what I thought was hopeless situations.....and especially R's. I believe in the power of prayer and I know what He has done for me and my H's R. Therefore, I won't tell you to walk away and never love this man anymore. I don't think you could stop loving him if you tried! But I do think God will give you strength to carry on with living......and we don't know how long you may have to live without your H in your personal life. Try to pour your love into those who will rejoice in it and keep your love for your H for when he's ready to receive it again.
I do believe that it would be much better for your health if you can emotionally drop the rope and do not consentrate on him. He has to get through whatever this is that has happen to him. I hope he will come out the other side of this crises in tact, but that is just something you'll have to wait and see. Please do not blame yourself or beat yourself to a pulp b/c it would not change anything! This is his choice and his crises. It became your crises also, but you have the option to go on living a rich life in spite of what he has done to you. Right now, it does not sound at all possible, does it? However, there are many people who have come here to this board and felt the same way. They were surprised when they discovered that they could place one foot in front of the other and begin taking steps toward a new life. If he came back tonight, I don't think your lives would be the "old" one again. So, think of this as a new life and in time, it will be a good life. Give yourself time to grieve and to heal. Stop being so hard on yourself when you think somebody has rejected your friendship and chooses to go a different way. It is their loss b/c you are a good person. I think you are terrific! Believe in yourself and those who love you. Your live with him was not in vain, and maybe the two of you will have a future yet. You can continue to pray to that end.
Talk to you later, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
