Firstly thanks so much for the constructive comments. Stuck you're absolutely right his MLC does seem to be triggered by mine. As for considering myself D'd I think it's helped me to GAL and also to detach. I do have a PMA although this has developed once I got over the MLC/empty nest syndrome.
i started to come out of my MLC a couple of months before my H left but he didn't see the positive changes in me and believes that it's only happened since he left. I've done OK at GAL, taken up a couple of new hobbies, started going to the theatre and have reconnected with old friends. I certainly laugh more than I use to.
One of the things my H dislike about me was that he felt I was a martyr to the kids - I don't agree, I did put their needs before mine, but was not resentful about it. Having said that my H travelled away alot when they were small and i more or less raised them on my own so naturally they were important to me. I believe that my H felt pushed out which was not my intention. He wanted us to go out more as a couple at that time, which I felt was impossible, with no family nearby, babysitters were non existent (difficult to find someone willing to look after 4 kids under 5!). Now they are all adults I've let them develop their own lives although obviously I'm there if they need me, but only in a supporting role.
My H can see the changes in me and has remarked that I'm looking better than I have for ages, can see the positive changes I've made but it makes no difference to the way he feels about me, he feels indifferent. The barriers are up.
Not sure how long his A has been going on, he says a few months, but the woman in question has been avoiding me for 18 months. I'm hoping as Saffie says that that's a positive thing and they are at the stage where reality has set in and he can see faults in her too.
We don't have too much to do with each other although I do endeavour to be open and friendly when we meet and act as if - not always successful though. We've had meetings that I've thought of as positive only to be told later that my H sees it another way. We spent an hour talking and I made one comment that was he felt was negative (although for me it was an off he cuff joke not a good one obviously)and he chose to focus on that rather than the 95% of positive conversation. i smile at him as often as possible, but he will not make eye contact at all.
