Agh! He's detached completely!

[IWillSaveOurMarr]

Karen43 Thanks for giving me your honest feedback about this. I hear you about not dating until my divorce is over, but lets just project this out based on what's been happening:

* I've been married 8 months now.
* H hasn't talked to me for 3 months
* If trial divorce takes 12 months total to be optomistic, and he filed 1 month ago, that meand I have to stand 11 more months, for a total of 14 months of being ignored in my own home (and H's home too)?
* That's almost 2x the length of the marriage at the time of the divorce (19 months)
* & almost 4 times the length of time we were actually talking and acting like married people (5 normal months of marriage before he stopped talking to me)

I mean, I agree with the DR, and I know right now I'll have to do 99% of the work, but if all he's doing to communicate with me is curt emails, does that count as his 1%? Can I commit to doing 99% for 11 long more months? I don't know.

I do know that at some point I'm going to give up on him and his stubborn heart because it fails to open up again, even a bit. Then, I will not want to do the DR, I will not want to do a damn thing but get out of this marriage as quickly as possible.

Also, I am still fighting my biological clock here, because I;m 36. So I'll be divorced at my age 37 then have to find a great guy, which takes a ton of time, plus then I have to date him for a long time so I'm sure he's not crazy like my H is (crazy with anxiety he's failing to treat), so at least a year before engagement, then kids...I'm running out of time here. I don't want to have my kids when I'm 44. Not only will it be really hard to do so then biologically, no doubt, but I don't want to be in my mid 60's when they graduate from college! I want to have some energy left.

You are right that this is not exactly fair to Gizmo to go out with him still loving my H. I agree with that and have been really upfront with him about it and that I'd still, ideally want to reunite. But I'm also realistic in that the way he's been acting, not budging an inch, makes me think there's little to no chance of this happening. Even my therapist says that this is totally abnormal and maybe my H has a personality disorder or something. Normally people waffle a bit as opposed to unilaterally making a decision like he did.

Ok, got to go, but I thank you for speaking up and giving me more to think about in this.