total quarter life mlc

[mdoodles]

h is here, and i have to say, im tired of the knots in my stomach.

im tired of him being all nice and all over me for weeks and then switching completely off towards me.

he seems miserable and is acting miserable.

i do not like miserable. im a naturally bubbly person, i dont do miserable.

i last spoke to him on tuesday, which is weird to not talk since then, but i did not want to initiate calling or texting.

he told me he would come this afternoon.

i said i have plans during the day and would be home about 3 or after.

sure enough my cell rings at 2:50, calling me from my house, asking when i will be home.

im glad i wasnt home waiting for him. im glad he had to pick up the phone to wonder where i am.

im glad if he was annoyed that we werent here when he felt like being early.

i hate that things are so weird between us, but i know he made it this way.

i am always consistent with my feelings, always consistent with the way i treat him.

he did this.

[smith18]

Good job at not being at his beck and call.

What are your feelings when you were near him today? Anger, creepiness, worry, irritation, hesitation, nervousness, pity, hopefullness, hopelessness, used, etc...?

[mdoodles]

my feelings? just knowing he was at the house, i had a pit in my stomach, extremely nervous and uncomfortable.

i never used to feel this way, it started last week, because he went from nice and all over me, to cold and distant and weird.

he took our son out for alittle now,but when he returns i do not know how to act. he doesnt seem talkative.

things are so weird, i hate it and dont want to deal with it.

[smith18]

I can predict what will happen when you give him the cold shoulder and appear to move on with your life - he will want what he cant have. Been there done that. My W asked for a another chance right before our D was final. I knew in my heart that she did not have it in her to ever work hard to regain my trust and I told her no.

You have been at this turmoil a lot longer than I had. I respect your resolve, but I also question where your future is heading. There exists a real possibility that he may always be in and out of your life. Do you deserve a relationship like that? You are still young and in the prime of your life as a woman. I see you have one son. Do you want anymore children? I assume you have dreams of a beautiful married life with a good man that will do all he can to keep his wife happy. Do you realistically believe your H can ever get to the point where he will work his butt off reading books or seeking out the advice of other good men on how to be the best husband for his wife?

I probably should not even post to you as I have a fairly pessemistic attitude now about cheaters. I know of only one person here (gForce) that I followed who had his marriage reconciled happily. It's just that I get this feeling that you are letting every thing your H or his mistress does control your life.

[mdoodles]

where is my future heading? well, in the next 2 months, alot will happen.

not sure if u read my previous posts, but we had opened a business together, which is now closed.

my husband must find a new job, he is unemployed now and i am a housewife. my house is sold and i have to move by sept, not knowing yet where i am going.

i am planning on moving without him as of now, and proceeding as if we will be legally separated, although im not ready to move ahead legally.

im looking into breaking back into working again and trying to plan my life without him, even though i would want him in it.

do i think he will ever do the work necessary, to rebuild us the right way? he might.

i have seen glimpses of him, i thought we were at that point of rebuilding, especially when we planned and opened our business to get him away from ow.

i do feel myself stuck in the love triangle, i am trying my best not to focus on it.

i do want more kids, u are correct...

i figure the next few months will be telling as to where we will be headed.

[mdoodles]

having a busy weekend, which is always a good thing...

when the sun is shining things always feel better, dont they?

i hope this sunny weather lasts, its been so rainy here in ny and i swear, it has a major effect on my mood.

i dont know if i posted the events of friday evening, but it took a turn in my favor, i gained some confidence that was needed...h was following me around the house, doing things only a husband should do in front of his wife..

then he came in our room and said, im leaving. so i said, ok..

normally he is looking for attention, looking for me to touch him, hug him, tell him not to go. i just said, ok.

well it caught him off guard. he did not leave. continued to linger. continued to look at me, make excuses to be in our room while i was there.

2 more times said, im going. i said, ok...i was nice, but didnt give in.

finally he left.... 20 minutes later, guess who called?

yup, he needed to tell me something...lol

he was so thrown by me, so thrown by me not texting or calling him after he left...

i gained some control, it really gave me confidence, i didnt feel as lost when he left, didnt feel as bad, if this makes sense.

and not being home when he called last night was great!!

i miss him, i really truly do but im doing ok.

i waiver between my woman scorned mood and the letting go, whatever happens mood.

maybe there is a happy medium somewhere in there...

[mdoodles]

been keeping really busy, which truly is a good thing for the mind.

went to the beach yesterday, when i got home, h was already in the house.

he was all over me yesterday, sitting wherever i was, including on our bed, watching tv with me.

i cant figure him out, i guess im not supposed to.

i saw his reflection in the tv screen, he was not watching tv, rather looking at me, looking at me laying on the bed next to him.

i know what i was wearing was driving him wild, which of course is always a boost in confidence...

he took son out for a little and called to ask if what son wanted to bring in for dinner was ok with me( as if he ever called questioning the food? lol)...

came back home and came upstairs to sit with me in our room..

he finally gave in to his temptation, i didnt turn him away.

not sure if that is good or not...

i kept up my confidence when he left, i did not ask him to stay, did not text or call him.

im doing the best i can, trying to pack, find where to move and even a part time job.

but im not letting go of him, i dont want to. not yet.

who knows what will happen. clearly he is still confused, who knows if he will ever leave the confused state.

[smith18]

came back home and came upstairs to sit with me in our room..

he finally gave in to his temptation, i didnt turn him away.

not sure if that is good or not...

Did you ML because you thought this might bring him back?

This just seems strange to me.

He ML with you and then leaves to possibly go be with OW.

I would feel used.

The guy is not having much consequences.

[mdoodles]

i did not ml with him, i told him i wouldnt.

i never seem to feel used, i feel as though, im his wife and i have a right to do what i want with him...

does it bother me about her? yes.

but i still feel he is mine, if i choose to be intimate.

will it continue this way, i do not know.

[kissak]

Mdoodles, I understand your side completely with this.