Fire's burning out...just smoldering

[blindsided1]

I think I get it. Until he fixes what is broken in himself, he is always going to find himself in the same situation...just on someone elses leash?

I am a fixer. It sucks. I really want to change that in me. I've been reading about co-dependency and narcissism. Very interesting. I really do not want my daughter to grow up with his character flaws. Sometimes I worry that I won't raise her right. But, I am trying to learn as much about raising her "right" and hopefully, it will be enough. I have been the fixer in too many areas of my life. If I have to sacrifice something of myself in order to fix someone elses, I do it way too often. I find that I hardly put myself first. And, then, I resent it. I often felt as though I gave to my H and didn't get anything in return.

Today, out of the blue, I just felt this overwhelming need to feel loved and adored. Then, I realized that I haven't felt that way from my H in a very long time. I can't even remember what it felt like to know he loved me. And, I realized...that is NOT how I want to live the rest of my life....settling for less than I need. He gives less than I need.